Page 22 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

The group was run by a woman who referred to herself as Minnie Music. She was probably in her fifties, wore a bright orange shirt and had pigtails. Immediately, Aisha knew she was going to hate every second.

They camped down on one side of the semicircle that Minnie was busy orchestrating, and were asked to lay their babies out in front of them, like some sort of sacrificial offering.

Minnie said they were going to start with some vocal warm-ups because babies were happier when their parents were singing their most confidently. Aisha knew that neither of her boys would feel any happier if Aisha began to get confident with her singing voice. She had hummed and sang at a reasonable level to the boys regularly, and whilst they had never put in any formal complaint, they had sort of looked at her with complete bewilderment and hadn’t even cracked a smile.

‘We don’t want any mumbling in this class – you sing loud and sing proud,’ Minnie called to the room.

The women warbled and gargled their way through the warm-up. Mel sang out loudly like the professional she was, and Aisha realised it was the first time she had heard her sing. Sophy turned and caught Aisha’s eye, and Aisha knew they were both thinking the same thing: Mel had a lovely voice. Aisha joined in sporadically but focused on the boys who were wriggling and unsettled.

‘Right. Now, it’s time for our welcome song! When I point to you, you must say the name of your baby – or babies.’ Minnie beamed at Aisha, who physically recoiled. She glanced at Sophy, who was glowing. Even Mel, who claimed she detested this kind of thing, looked mildly amused.

‘Okay, let’s go.’ Minnie thrust her arms into the air and began singing an annoyingly catchy tune. At the end of every chorus, there was a two-syllable bar for each parent or carer to squeeze singing the name of their child in. Mel and Sophy each sang theirs, and when it came to saying Otis and Jude, which was clearly two syllables too long, Aisha felt her face flush with heat and her armpits prickle. Mel and Sophy gave her the thumbs up – both of them seemed to be getting into the vibe. Aisha felt a pang in her gut as the jingly jangly tone of the music reminded her of something Charley would write, and she felt an overwhelming desire for her to be here with her, mocking the woman under her breath, saying something about how she could write something better in her sleep and generally making Aisha feel like less of a colossal fool than she did right then.

Things felt a little easier when Minnie brought the percussion out. There were some older babies, who were now sitting up and putting the little egg shakers in their mouth, dribbling all over them. The boys seemed to look more engaged as Aisha shook a jingle-bell stick in time with the song. Their little eyes seemed to brighten as they tried to focus on the instrument.

But the end couldn’t come soon enough, and Aisha took one twin at a time to the pram and tucked them in.

‘Well, I’m ready for a coffee!’ she said to Sophy and Mel.

* * *

They found themselves in a roomy coffee shop that was a lot more child-friendly than the last one. This one had a box of books and toys for older children and more space between the sofas and tables.

‘Well, I had a thoroughly good time. Same time next week?’ Sophy said as she sipped her peppermint tea.

‘Mmm, yes,’ Aisha said. Mel and Sophy looked at one another.

‘That wasn’t very convincing.’ Mel laughed.

‘Well, it was fine. Just not my sort of thing, really, I guess. The boys loved it, though.’

‘Okay, well, we can try another group,’ Sophy offered.

‘It was a bit cringey,’ Mel said.

‘It was super cringey,’ Sophy replied.

‘At least Aisha had the balls to be honest, whilst we just played along like two insane fools,’ Mel laughed.

Aisha laughed along, but she could feel her stomach tightening and a fluttering in her chest. She thought she had tried to push the thoughts of the strange man away, but it wasn’t that which was bothering her. It was the fact that whilst the other two seemed to be able to have a laugh at themselves and the situation, Aisha had felt as though she were trapped in her own body and had felt an overwhelming desire to step right out of it.

* * *

When she arrived back in her street, Aisha stood and listened to the wind whistling through the trees and the sound of the cars in the now busier street. She was waiting for the man, she knew that, but the road was empty, save for a dog walker and a woman with two boys on scooters.

She felt an overwhelming tiredness come over her and a longing for a bath. Once she had done that, she would get Charley to put the boys to bed – it was Friday after all, and tomorrow was the weekend. She could finally relax and maybe get a little bit of respite. Maybe then she would start to feel a little bit more like herself.

12

MEL

‘What even are bags, babe?’ Mel asked Daz as she pulled and poked at her skin in the mirror in their en-suite bathroom.

Daz was holding Sky and standing in the doorway. Sky was looking around at the lights of the bathroom and making a sweet cooing sound.

‘I thought it was when the skin under your eyes went all… bag-like. Bit baggy, maybe?’

‘Oh, I thought it was dark rings. There’re definitely dark rings, aren’t there?’

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