Page 24 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

‘That’s right, love, gives her terrible wind, Mel,’ Mike said.

Mel frowned. ‘Why don’t you just tell her you don’t like the egg, or get the staff to bring you more salmon and cucumber?’ Mel said wincing at the pain in her ankle, which had dulled but still came through in short bursts.

‘Oh, you know me, love, I don’t like to make a fuss. Now what can I get you? Tea? How about one of my nice hot chocolates?’

‘I don’t want to put you out any more, Irene – you’ve done so much today already.’

‘Not at all, love. Sky and I have had a lovely afternoon.’

Mel couldn’t help but smile. Irene was just too bloody good to be true. How had she got so lucky with a Daz and an Irene?

‘I tell you what, let’s start with that tomato soup and crusty bread, and then we’ll all have a nice hot bevvy. How does that sound?’ Irene patted Mel on the shoulder.

Mel dropped her head back against the armchair, closed her eyes and held her hand out to Irene, who took it in hers.

‘Thank you, Irene.’ They stayed that way for a minute until the doorbell let out a loud, invasive ring.

‘I’ll get it!’ shouted Leia as she ran to the door. There were whoops and screams of delight as Mel could hear her daughter greeting her friend at the door.

She opened her eyes. Hold on, wasn’t she supposed to be dropping Leia off at Maddy’s? But Maddy was already in the hallway with what looked like an overnight bag in her hand.

‘Maddy’s here, Mum.’

‘I can see that, love.’ Mel smiled through the pain.

‘You did say I could have a sleepover.’ Leia looked forlorn. Mel had thought she meant that she was going to Maddy’s. Now she would have two tweenagers and a baby to tend to.

‘I did, love. How are you, Maddy?’

‘Good thanks, Mel. Sorry about your leg. Can we do coloured hairsprays? My mum got me some for my birthday.’ Maddy smiled through her braces.

Mel found the strength for one more smile. ‘Of course.’

The girls ran upstairs, chatting excitedly.

Mel looked at her foot and thought about the dates building up in the diary, the mess in the house, and Sky gurgling away happily for now with her grandad, but come the middle of the night, it would be a different story. More sleepless nights were imminent, and Mel knew she would not be able to manage keeping up with the washing and all the other general housework. She reached for her phone, went straight to Gumtree and typed incleaner.

Mel scoured a few adverts and was drawn to one where a woman had taken a selfie of herself. She had brown bobbed hair and a thin pointy face. Mel read what she had written underneath.

Hi, my name is Ksenia. I do domestic cleaning with five-year experience. I love to clean – it make me happy and I take pride in everything I do. If you think you need my service, reply to this advert and we discuss further.

PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB FOR SOMETHING ELSE. I ADVERTISE FOR CLEANING ONLY. NO MASSAGE. NO SEX!

Thank you.

Right then, perfect, Mel thought.A woman with no desire to bonk my husband and who loves cleaning. The exact antithesis of me!She clicked on reply and asked Ksenia when she was able to start.

* * *

1.53 a.m. – Mel:Anyone awake? I know it’s earlier than the 3ish slot, but Sky has woken up three times this evening already. And oh, yeah, I bust my ankle legging it down the stairs, and so I’m hobbling around in a space boot and high on painkillers.

2.56 a.m. – Sophy:Shit, Mel, that sounds awful. You must be feeling like hell. Are you getting any help from Daz or his mum? How did you do that?

3.10 a.m. – Aisha:Oh, that’s awful, Mel. Sounds so painful. Charley is doing the night feeds, but my body is so used to being awake, I am lying here listening to the boys crying and her trying to manage it all by herself, and I am this close to just going downstairs and taking a twin.

3.11 a.m. – Sophy:You stay exactly where you are, you do more than enough all week. Try and close your eyes and get some sleep. The boys will be fine. Mel, will text to get the details on the ankle tomoz x

3.12 a.m. – Aisha:Okay, thank you, Sophy. I will. Mel, take care x

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