Page 29 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

‘Shit.’ Aisha fell to her knees and began grabbing at earrings and bracelets that had fallen around the bed and under it. She lay down flat on her front, and it was then that she noticed under the bed an open box stuffed full of white envelopes. She stuck her arm right under the bed and pulled the box closer. The box was full of opened letters, fifty or sixty all addressed to Martina. She pulled one out and read the first few lines. Suddenly, her head began to spin.

‘Aisha, girl, whacha doing? Little man gonna freeze to death here.’

‘Coming. I’m just coming,’ Aisha called and pushed the box back further under the bed. She stood up; the letter she had been reading still grasped in her hand. Without hesitating, she quickly stuffed it into the pocket of her jeans and left the room.

* * *

Later that evening, when the boys were asleep and Charley was in bed, Aisha sat downstairs on the sofa and, by the light of a lamp, read and reread the letter over and over until her eyes were so blurred with tears she could no longer see.

She was reading words written only a few years ago. Words written by her father. The man who she thought had left her without a care. It turned out the man she had thought about every day for the last twenty years had also been keeping her in his own thoughts for just as long.

* * *

2.15 a.m. – Aisha:Hi, girls. Hope you’re both okay. I’m a bit sad tonight.

2.46 a.m. – Sophy:Oh shit, Aisha, what’s happened?

2.51 a.m. – Aisha:I read one of what appeared to be many letters from my dad. I thought he had disowned me and my sisters. He has been writing to my mum for years.

2.54 a.m. – Sophy:Oh my goodness. That’s… sad and amazing.

2.56am – Aisha:I hope you don’t mind me telling you.

2.57 a.m. – Sophy:Of course not. Why would I?

2.58am – Aisha:It feels quite personal. We’ve not known each other long.

2.58 a.m. – Sophy:That’s true. But I feel I can tell you things, so I’m glad you feel the same way. This feels like the deep and meaningful conversations I would have with a stranger at two o’clock in the morning in a nightclub toilet, minus the sticky floor and neon-coloured cocktails. I feel women can open up in any environment if they just trust that other women will listen. Obviously the two-for-one Harvey Wallbangers helped in that other situation.

3.00 a.m. – Aisha:Yes, and it feels like the quiet of the night means I have the space in my head to say what I want to. Does that make sense?

3.01 a.m. – Sophy:It does. x

15

SOPHY

‘It’s an annual thing, and it’s not as if I ask you to do much for me, is it?’ Jeff said as he ate the curry Sophy had prepared earlier that day.

‘It’s fine, Jeff. I said I’ll come. I just have a lot on at the moment.’

Jeff had just reminded Sophy that his annual charity fundraiser for the elephant sanctuary in Bali was next week. She and Jeff had been on a holiday to Bali when they had first met, and Sophy had insisted they go to the elephant sanctuary. Thinking that Jeff would absolutely hate it, she was surprised when it turned out he thoroughly enjoyed it and talked about it as the best part of the holiday when reminiscing. He gave a hefty donation to the charity, and when they returned home, he vowed to raise money for them annually. So since then, he would hire a room somewhere each year for a fundraiser. Jeff would stand up and do his little speech, then a couple of conservationists would talk – last year Jeff bagged a celebratory vet to talk. There was a lot of alcohol during the event and guests would inevitably spill out into a bar afterwards and then a nightclub. Sophy was tired and as much as she wanted to support Jeff, the idea of getting dressed up and getting over to the venue with Max was a little bit overwhelming. She couldn’t bring in a babysitter because of the milk situation and the venue was too far away. If Sophy was going to go, Max would have to go too.

Jeff stopped eating and looked up at Sophy. ‘A lot on? You’re at home all day, and also, I was thinking about this the other day, it’s not as if you have to make bottles or clean bottles like my mum had to do. He has it all on tap. You’re not going to many of those baby groups that you said you’d be at every week. And you’re not back to training. It’s been nearly two months.’ Jeff used his fork to emphasise the next part. ‘You said to me, “Six weeks and I’ll be ready to get back out there again.” And don’t get me started on our sex life.’

Sophy was dumbstruck for a moment. But once she had absorbed Jeff’s harsh words, she spoke up. ‘Jeff! It’s just… harder than I thought it would be, the recovery. I didn’t expect to tear and be stitched up and for it to still hurt. I think I was probably a bit too optimistic when I said six weeks. The reality is it could be months.’ Sophy felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, followed by a dull ache. She had winced, but Jeff hadn’t noticed.

‘Really?’ Jeff said, a vast amount of surprise in his voice. ‘Months?’ he said.

‘Er, yes, Jeff. Giving birth is not like ripping a plaster off and all will be well. I birthed a human! I was speaking to Aisha the other day, and she told me that mothers still have parts of their baby’s DNA inside them for up to a year, that means, I still have bits of Max inside me!’ Sophy said with a hint of melancholy to her voice, which Jeff did not detect. For a second, she thought she might cry.

‘I’d rather you had parts of me inside you,’ Jeff quipped.

Sophy folded her arms and looked sternly at Jeff.

‘Oh god, not the look. I’m just saying, Soph, it’s been months. He was inside you for nine of those months. Surely, it’s my turn again. Isn’t that how we’re supposed to keep our relationship going?’

Sophy felt her gut tighten with fury this time.

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