Page 39 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

Aisha felt her eyes prickle with tears and wished more than anything that she was there already – at the place that people described so often as ‘easier’.

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3.15 a.m. – Sophy:I’ve been watching a programme about the habitats of voles for fifteen minutes. Max won’t settle tonight. He’s watching it with me. When is it okay to let your baby watch TV with you?

3.16 a.m. – Mel:The rule book went out the window for me when Sky was born. Listen, babes, I thought I had it all sorted until a few weeks ago. Now I have a fifteen-week-old baby who only wants to cuddle me and wakes up constantly through the night. I’m going to be absolutely shattered going back to work next week.

3.17 a.m. – Sophy:Is it next week?

3.17 a.m.– Mel:Yep. A singing gig.

3.18 a.m. – Sophy:Wow! And I still can’t believe I haven’t heard you sing properly. I’d really like to come along, but I have Max. Maybe in a few months when he’s off the boob.

3.19 a.m. – Mel:Yes, I won’t be so ropey then either. Give me a few months to get back into my stride.

3.20 a.m. – Sophy:– No Aisha tonight?

3.20 a.m. – Mel:– Looks like she lucked out on the 3 a.m. feed.

3.21 a.m. – Sophy:– Right, I’m turning this off. I now know everything there is to know about voles. I’m going to try and get this one back off to sleep and get some shut-eye myself.

4.56 a.m. – Aisha:I’m here! Anyone?

18

SOPHY

‘How long has it been since I did one of these? First of all, let me apologise. I know I promised regular content, but the truth is, I’m so besotted with my little boy that nothing else seems to matter when I’m with him. But I know you’ll all forgive me because you’re loyal and faithful followers. I wanted to pop on today and assure you that I haven’t forgotten about you and that Max sends his apologies for taking up all my attention.

‘I have been talking with a local business who has been developing some delicious health drinks. They’ve asked me to try all the flavours and help them decide which ones to bring to market. I thought I would share the experience with you guys. Obviously, I’ll be doing the drinking, but you can help me decide which flavours work and which you think you’d like to see out there on the shelves.

‘So please stay tuned and I’ll be back with more info on that soon. In the meantime, I can post a few more photos of Max and I out and about, so comment below if you’re happy for some more baby posts!

‘Mwwwhhaa!’

Sophy let out a massive sigh and got up and turned the camera off.

The weight of guilt lay heavy on her chest. She hadn’t posted a video for a while and she hadn’t done a story or a post in days. She knew people still admired her and wanted to follow her, but she needed to keep it consistent. But Sophy felt the familiar pang in her gut when she thought about what it was she did, what she represented. She wondered if it was because she had Max now, but she just couldn’t feel the passion. But then, if she was being honest, she had felt that way before Max came along. She always felt a stab of anxiety before she had to post something. She knew she shouldn’t feel that way, because surely you were supposed to love the job you did, or at least not feel sick about it. The thing was, she was good at what she did, once she put her mind to it, and she was always happy once a post was done and dusted and the likes came in. Maybe she was in the wrong line of content. But what else was there that she was good at that she could talk about on Instagram?

She had thought about branching out before. Should she talk about babies? Giving birth? But that was all so passé. Her followers had increased since having Max and there was scope for her to focus on baby nutrition once the baby-led weaning stage came in.Move over, Annabel Karmel, she had thought when the idea had come to her. She no longer wanted to feel the initial buzz when she had a flurry of likes, only for the flat feeling to return too quickly, and she looked around for ways to bring it back again.

Which was why when Niall appeared that morning after she had finished her recording, she felt something inside of her lift. What was it about this man, a relative stranger in her house? Yet they had shared so many laughs, he had been there for her when she had stumbled in the garden, and the sweet thing he did with the crispy pancakes. She was practically married to Jeff, surely she shouldn’t be having these feelings for another man? Surely, it was just the hormones? Surely, she was feeling things about another man because she had just had a baby? Surely?

‘My brother said he now follows you on Insta thingy,’ he said after they had their usual morning pleasantries – which if Sophy was being completely honest with herself, had begun to feel more and more flirtatious – but of course, it was all on his part. That is what builders are like, aren’t they? Very chatty and friendly, a bit winky. It was all harmless jovial fun. Except twice this week and once last week Jeff had gone into work later in the morning, so he had been there when Niall and his lads arrived, and they had gone straight to work. Sophy had felt an awkward feeling in her gut, as though she didn’t want to share the same space with both Jeff and Niall. And it was Jeff she would have preferred to have vacated.

On Tuesday, Sophy had hovered in the kitchen, unnecessarily moving things around until Jeff – who was on his laptop at the kitchen island – let out a sharp sigh and spoke. ‘Haven’t you got mother stuff to do?’

But Jeff had been at work for an hour already this morning and somehow on this particularly warm spring morning, when Max had fallen asleep after his feed and Sophy had managed to get him in his cot next to her bed, Sophy had persuaded Niall to have a coffee with her.

‘On the premise that we’re talking about flooring, okay? I can’t have the boys getting all jealous now.’

Sophy cocked her head to the side. ‘Jealous, you say?’ She felt her insides flutter at what he was insinuating.

‘Of the coffee,’ Niall said quickly. ‘The nice coffee. That’s what I mean. I just bring them the Nescafé stuff. Nowhere near as tasty as this one.’

Sophy looked at Niall, and their eyes locked as he took a sip of his coffee. Milky with two sugars.

‘Is that so?’

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