Page 41 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

Then she heard a familiar Irish accent, and she felt her heart lift.He stayed, she thought.

Just a few hours ago, she arrived at A&E, doubled over with pain and vomiting. She had been terrified, but Niall had been there the whole time. She had been taken for an ultrasound and they had discovered something lurking in her cervix. After a painful examination, they removed a decaying piece of cotton that had been left inside her when she had been stitched up after Max was born. Sophy was too tired to think about what had just happened and just felt exhausted. She was on antibiotics and some good strong painkillers.

Niall’s head appeared around the cubicle curtain.

‘Hey, how are you feeling?’

‘Where’s Max?’ Sophy croaked.

‘He’s with a nurse. Don’t worry, they said they will bring him down soon so you can feed him.’

Sophy nodded.

‘That was pretty rough, hey?’ Niall said, moving closer to the bed. ‘I came to ask if you need me to call anyone before I go?’ For a second, all Sophy heard was ‘go’. And she realised Niall was leaving. But then Jeff’s name crept through.

Jeff.Sophy thought. It had all happened so quickly she hadn’t had time to call Jeff. She thought she would have been in and out of A&E.

‘Can you call Jeff? I’m not sure I should have my mobile in here.’

‘Sure, I’ll take it into the hallway.’

Sophy unlocked her phone and handed it to Niall.

‘And thank you for bringing me here. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise,’ she whispered. Niall gave her a small smile and then wandered off into the corridor.

* * *

Back at home the next day, Sophy ignored the persistent texts from friends who lived in the area telling her that if she needed anything to let them know. Because what was she supposed to do with that? Sophy had found since becoming a mother that people spoke a lot of wanting to help, but rarely did they just show up, for fear of stepping over some sort of invisible boundary. When did these invisible boundaries appear? Even just a couple of decades ago when Sophy was growing up, there were no boundaries between friends. People showed up at Sophy’s parents’ house all the time to help out. ‘Geraldine’s here to babysit tonight, kids… Sarah is taking you to school today… Sue’s son Malcom is here to fix the cooker.’ There had been an abundance of people coming and going all through her childhood, and whilst they had been fairly poor financially, there had been the support system they needed so that their parents could raise them. Her siblings all lived too far away now to just pop by and that was understandable. Sophy was the only one who had managed to make it in London and stay living there for as long as she had so far. Obviously a lot of that she owed to Jeff.

So the texts stayed there unanswered. Sophy couldn’t even manage to find the strength to send back a quick ‘Thanks’. Because what she wanted to say was ‘Well, get your arse around here then!’ But then she noticed there was a message on her phone from Niall. She hadn’t even given him her number? He must have put it in her phone when she had given it to him.

How are you? Delete my number after if you like, I just need to know you are okay.

Sophy thought her heart might explode out of her chest she felt it swell so hard, and with that swelling came an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia, as though she were listening to an old record that her parents used to play when she was a kid. It was that feeling again, the one that felt like home. Sophy could feel the urgency in the tone of Niall’s text and could almost hear him speaking the words to her. She realised that in all the time she had been with Jeff, he had never had that effect on her.

After bringing her home from hospital this morning, Jeff had then gone back to work. Although he insisted she call if she needed anything, Sophy knew he wouldn’t come running if she did call him. Sophy had half wanted him to stay. But the other half was already finding a way to build a wall between them, or maybe add to the wall that was already there, and as Jeff had left her alone after what she had just been through, she mentally added another brick to that wall. Eventually, she expected it to be so high that either one of them would need a pole vault to get to the other. And Jeff, Sophy concluded, had never been very good at jumping. She could hear Max beginning to get fractious, and she knew she would need to take him out for a walk soon. She could walk fine, she was just a little tender and tired. She would take it easy, a slow stroll to the park and back would be fine.

Sophy felt a wave of sadness engulf her as she rose to stand. She wasn’t sure what brought the wave of tears on, but she brushed them away as quickly as they had arrived and carried Max out into the hallway to get him into his pram. There was a loud rapping on the door, and when Sophy had got Max settled, she squeezed past the travel system and pulled open the door. She had never been so happy to see the faces of Mel and Aisha. They both stood there with sympathetic smiles. Aisha was clutching a brown bag to her chest, a small and simple bouquet of flowers poking from the top hinted at some sort of care package, whilst Mel held a Tupperware full of what looked like chilli con carne.

‘We know you batted off our concerns last night on the WhatsApp, but we’re bloody here anyway!’ Mel said, and Sophy burst into happy, relieved tears.

19

MEL

The black shimmery evening gown felt a little tight around the chest where her breasts had not yet settled down after the pregnancy. But apart from that, Mel looked at herself in the mirror and thought it felt good to be back. There was a stirring in her gut that she tried to put down to the anticipation of being back on stage after such a long break, but she knew it wasn’t that. It had been eleven months since she had last performed. Sky was only four months old. Her last gig had been when she had just found out she was pregnant with Skylar and she had every intention of continuing to sing and really rocking her pregnancy – in a Melanie Blatt circa early All Saints kinda way – but that all changed. She walked away from that final gig and vowed she would never return. But showbiz has a clever way of calling you back, or rather never really letting you leave. It would always be in her blood; it didn’t matter what anyone did to her.

She wasn’t on until 9 p.m., but she wanted to get there early for a sound check before the venue filled up. She could then sit out the back and have a drink to calm her nerves before she went on.

‘You look lovely,’ Daz said as she came downstairs into the lounge. Bess sensed the excitement in Daz’s voice and jumped out of her bed and came bounding over to Mel.

‘No, Bess!’ Mel and Daz shouted at the same time as Mel took two steps back, trying to protect the delicate details of her long dress, and the Labrador retreated back to her bed.

‘Are you sure you’re going to be all right?’ Sky was tucked into the crook of Daz’s arm.Midsomer Murderswas playing on the screen.

‘Is she all right watching that?’ Mel asked.

Daz looked at the screen, then down at Sky. ‘She’s fine, she loves it!’

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