Page 47 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

Jeff cut her off and shook his head. ‘Fine, stop getting your knickers in a twist. I’ll sort it, all right?’

Sophy sat back. ‘You’ll sort it?’

‘I said so, didn’t I?’

‘Okay,’ she said softly.

‘Okay. Can I go and watch the snooker now?’

‘Yes,’ she said quietly again and watched as Jeff stood up and walked away. Then she waited for the excitement to rise through her, the feeling of pure euphoria that should come when a couple make a big step forward in their relationship. She would want to be calling her mum and letting some of her friends know, surely? Because this was, after all, a big deal – her name on the house deeds. But when nothing came, she simply stood up and started scraping the remnants of the charred dinner into the bin.

When Sophy had woken the next morning at 5.45 a.m., there had been a text on her phone from Jeff. She hadn’t even noticed that he hadn’t come to bed, as she’d gone to bed at midnight and Max had slept through. At the time, Sophy could hardly believe it and wished Jeff had been there to celebrate with her. But when she picked up her phone to message the 3 a.m. Shattered Mums’ Club, she saw the words from Jeff.

Gone to a hotel for a few days, got a few things to think over.

‘He said he’ll be staying at a hotel for the next few days to “clear his head”.’ Sophy made her fingers into quotation marks.

‘But what brought it on?’ Aisha asked as Mel sat tightly in her chair.

‘I asked him on Friday to put my name on the house. It’s only fair, right? I have lived there for years, I’m the mother of his child, I buy food and pay bills, why can’t I legally own half that house?

‘Absolutely! Right, Mel?’ Aisha asked, and Mel nodded firmly.

‘And surely it’s just a phone call or two to get your name added?’ Aisha looked at Mel for reassurance.

‘Well, yeah, I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t have thought it was rocket science,’ Mel said.

‘Exactly!’ Sophy threw one hand up in the air. Then she peered in at Max sleeping in his pram. ‘Anyway,’ she said more quietly, ‘after our chat where he said he would sort it and then his cryptic message about needing things to think about, I finally get out of him that it isn’t that simple, apparently! And that I should hold off badgering him – he has a lot on his plate and nothing I would ever be able to understand, apparently. Are you okay, Mel?’

Mel had let out a funny noise and leant back in her chair.

‘Yes, fine,’ she said as though she were in pain. ‘Just a back twinge.’

‘Oh, try holding two of them, my back is in bits,’ Aisha said.

‘Anyway,’ Sophy said, bringing the attention back to her. It was cathartic to get it all out. She had found she couldn’t open up like this to her other girlfriends who had known her and Jeff for years. In a way, it was better this way, discussing this matter with someone who didn’t know them as well. She knew her other friends would give her advice that perhaps she wasn’t sure she wanted to receive. ‘He left that night and hasn’t been back… since.’ Sophy lost control of her voice on the final word. ‘I just need to keep busy, I think.’ She put her cup down and felt a wave of positivity came over her. ‘Maybe he just needs time to calm down. I mean, he’s obviously overthought the whole thing. And I understand it from his perspective, I really do – he built that business up from scratch and if we split up, then he might lose out—’

A noise came from Mel again, and both women looked at her. Mel was reclining back in her chair with Otis in her arms.

‘Is there something you want to say, Mel?’ Sophy said, a sharp tone in her voice that she had never used with either of her new friends before.

‘Oh, well, all I would say is that, well, is that you only need to ask yourself one question, really.’

‘Oh, okay, what is that then?’ Sophy said a little more softly, hoping that this one question would also reveal the answer to this big mess.

‘Do you love him?’ Mel said frankly.

Aisha sucked her breath in and Sophy’s face contorted.

Sophy felt her face turn red and her heart began to race. She was astounded that Mel would ask such a thing. She hadn’t just spent the last four years with the same man, had his baby, want to share a house legally with him if she didn’t… Sophy was floored. No one had ever asked her that question before. In fact, it had been some time since she had even considered it, or even heard Jeff say it to her or vice versa.

She thought back over the past few days. She had done a lot of crying, but with Mel’s questions lingering in the air between her and her two new friends, she began to analyse it all. She felt emotional, of course, but maybe it wasn’thimshe missed. In fact, she had found solace in many small things since his absence like the tidiness of the house, and not waiting for him to come home at night only to practically ignore her and Max and then put the TV on and then fall asleep in front of it. She had quickly settled into a routine of seeing to her and Max, and she noticed she did indeed feel different. By Sunday, she had felt a sense of calm spread through the house.

Maybe, she thought with the joy of hindsight, she was actually sad about the idea of her and Jeff splitting up. Of becoming a single parent, raising Max practically alone – although she did that anyway – and just being at home withoutanyonecoming home to her, as opposed to Jeff in particular. There would be no sound of someone coming through the door at the end of the day, dropping keys on the side with a takeaway in hand. She was also sad – no terrified – of the status of a single mum and that her son would visit his father every other weekend without her, and, of course, that Wendy would soon be getting her claws into Max without Sophy’s supervision.

But maybe, on the other hand, with his presence no longer in the house, she was holding on to the hope that the Jeff who would come back for the inevitable conversation, would be a new man, one with a different outlook on life. He would apologise for his behaviour, for not doing the right thing when it came to the house they lived in together, he would tell her that he couldn’t live without her and Max, and how he had missed them both and that life without them was unbearable. That was what she secretly prayed would happen, but the small niggling feeling in her gut was telling her otherwise. And also, the look on Mel’s face. But still, she had to remain optimistic. She realised she couldn’t answer Mel’s question right now.

‘He’s not good enough for me, is that what you think? I know you only met him once –whilst he was doing charitable work, giving you free champagne!’ Sophy could hear what she was saying, and she knew it sounded ridiculous. And she knew she hadn’t answered Mel’s question.

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