Page 49 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

‘Oh, right you are. Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.’

‘Oh, you weren’t. I guess you just presumed like everyone else.’

‘I did. And for that, I apologise. You’re obviously a very modern girl, you seem to have everything under control.’

Sophy let out a small squeak as the tears threatened to come. She had nothing under control. She was tired, she was the weakest she had ever been physically and mentally. Her boyfriend had left her. She craved a family life where she and Jeff did things together at the weekend, and where there wasn’t this constant thing between them, pushing them further apart.

‘The pub sounds good. Maybe another time?’

‘Right you are. Have a good evening then, we’ll see you in the morning then.’

‘Yes, thanks, Niall. Bye.’

‘Bye now.’

Sophy heaved out a sigh. She lay her back on the sofa and for a moment imagined herself in the pub with Niall. The music was playing, she’d had a few drinks and was feeling free and easy. Then Niall took her hand and asked her to dance, she leapt up and he took her to the dance floor. The music was wild and Sophy felt Niall’s arm around her waist, spinning her and pulling her back to him. As the track stopped, he didn’t escort her back to her seat, but to a quiet corner of the pub where he took her face in his hands and brought his lips closer to hers. Sophy felt her heart racing and then a loud ping on her phone made her sit up with a start and open her eyes. It took her a moment to readjust to her surroundings. She leant down and picked up her phone from the floor.

There was Jeff’s reply. Her heart, which was already beating rapidly from her semi-conscious daydream, began beating wildly as though it might burst right out of her chest. How could four simple words do that to her?

We need to talk.

* * *

3.26 a.m. – Aisha:Morning! Anyone out there? I have been up for half an hour with just Otis. Managed to get Jude back to sleep. I keep thinking if I had just one, I could be back to sleep by now as well. Is that really awful of me to think that? How funny was the poo explosion today? I’ve never seen one that colour before, I think he saved it just for you, Mel. Can you rescue the trousers? I feel I ought to buy you new pair.

Anyway, text if you’re awake.

3.45 a.m. – Aisha:I didn’t mean what I said about only wanting one baby. I’m just really tired. Otis is back asleep now, so I’m off to bed for few hours. Wish me luck!

5.35 a.m. – Sophy:We would never judge you. Sometimes, I imagine my life how it was when I didn’t have Max and I miss it so much. Things were a lot simpler, that’s for sure. But I love him so dearly, I just know I have to find a way through this time. And I wish it was easier than it is. I mean, no one warns you, do they, that it will be this bloody hard? I honestly thought that babies just slept, and when they weren’t asleep, they’d be happy lying in their crib, or in my arms and that they would only cry when they were hungry. I mean, crying when they are tired? What’s that all about? I’m so glad I have you two to talk to though.

5.36 a.m. – Aisha:So glad you’re awake, I feel like I haven’t even been back to sleep! Think I’ve had half an hour, maybe. It’s all the other in-between cries as well. Crying cos they might be in pain, or frustrated, or hot, or cold. I mean, I feel as though I have to be psychic.

5.38 a.m. – Sophy:I know. It’s such a frustrating time, for them and us. When can we start teaching them sign language so they can communicate better?

5.40 a.m. – Mel:Morning, campers! It is a hard time and all I can say is that everything is a phase and will pass eventually. And we just have to trust our instincts. We are all doing a great job, even though we may not feel as though we are sometimes.

5.41 a.m. – Aisha:Most of the time!

22

MEL

She had been over and over it in her head all day and night. Then after she had left Sophy and Aisha at the café, she had run it through in her mind a hundred times or so. What should she do? How should she approach this? She needed to speak the truth, surely. Let Sophy know that her boyfriend, the father of her child was a sexual predator? That he almost brought Mel, who had always been such a strong and together woman, to her knees.

She had tried so hard to forget that evening and had hoped that by going back to The East End she could carry on as though nothing had happened. But then he came back, and it was as though the whole night was happening all over again. And although it was not something she wished to remember, she had never forgotten it. It was hard enough reliving the memories, but now Jeff was a part of her life – albeit through Sophy – she was really beginning to stress herself out. She needed to do something, she needed to tell Sophy what had happened that night.

* * *

The night it happened, Mel had been part of a dancing and singing act. They were the ‘Lady Marmalade’ foursome. Mel had taken what the singer P!nk had worn for the video of the song and tried to replicate it exactly. She had done a good job with the fishnet stockings, knee-high boots, pink wig and top hat. She and Daz had just done the test, and she was a few weeks pregnant. They were excited but nervous for a new baby. Mel had decided she would keep working, and stick to the singing sides of things – the burlesque dancing would not work with a belly! But she felt confident that even with the morning sickness that she knew was imminent, she would be able to perform a few nights a week up until the baby was born. The adrenaline would override any other feelings, like sickness, she was sure of it. So, there she was, with her three showbiz friends, all scantily clad. Mel was dressed in what could only be described as underwear. Black pants, black bra, fishnets and suspenders. They show had gone well; the girls had been rehearsing for weeks. Mel was gutted when she had told the girls she could not continue with the show until after her pregnancy, but they vowed to keep her place open and continue as a three piece until she was ready to come back.

When the show finished and the crowd had gone batty, the girls came down from the stage and instead of going straight back to the green room, they mingled with the crowd. Robbie was ecstatic – the bar had never taken so much money that night. There were gays and straights, transgender people, businessmen, hen nights. Every type of person was in the club that evening. Mel had felt his eyes on her before she had seen him. And when she did turn around, she could see why she had felt it so hard. With eyes like that, a blue that had practically pierced her body, they were impossible to ignore. Their eyes connected, and usually Mel would turn away immediately, as she didn’t want to encourage unnecessary attention. But before she knew what had happened, she felt herself smile at him. Mel had had plenty of opportunities to cheat on Daz in her time. She worked late nights, was surrounded by men of all ages and backgrounds – she could have had her pick if she wanted to. But she never did. Not once. The urge was never there. Ever. Yet there was something about this guy that made her wonder how easy it would be, should she want to. Not that she had any intention of cheating on Daz. But Mel was a realist, there are billions of people on the planet, and Mel had never thought for one second that Daz was the only man out there for her. But she had made her choice, and she was going to stick with him for life. She loved him so very much. But for just a few seconds that night, she felt she had betrayed her body and mind and heart with that one smile. As she turned away, after he had reciprocated her smile with a sultry look, suddenly there was a seed of an idea that she would never have let ripen to fruition, but still, she had allowed it to cross her mind. What if?

But as quickly as the thought entered her mind, it was gone. She had witnessed far too many of her friends and friends of friends ruin their relationships with one-night stands, or a secret relationship on the side to spice up their life. Mel may have looked like the type of woman who was up for anything – oh yes, she knew what people thought when they saw her, especially dressed the way she was that night – but there was a difference between thinking about the possibility and actually acting on anything. Mel felt surprise and intrigue that someone after all these years had actually managed to catch her eye.

And that evening, Mel was dressed like nothing more than a tart. And she knew it. But it was theatre – the gays loved it, the straights loved it, the hens loved it. It was fun; it was entertainment.

She had asked her friend Jazz to get her a drink and she’d meet her back at the bar. ‘Just a cranberry juice.’ Jazz nodded and Mel headed past the green room and through a small fire escape door that was kept open when the club was as packed as it was that night. She had no idea that she had been followed, and when she heard his voice, she turned quickly and with astonishment.

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