Page 6 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

‘Oh, you breastfeed,’ Aisha said softly and without question.

‘Yes. I knew I wanted to even before he was born. It was a no-brainer for me.’

Aisha looked forlorn. ‘I would have loved to have breastfed. But I just felt I couldn’t, what with two of them.’

‘You could have had them stuffed under your arms like rugby balls. I knew a mum who breastfed three. Who told you couldn’t?’ Mel asked. Sophy reeled at the gall of Mel. She half expected Aisha to stand up and walk out.

‘Well, me, actually. I thought it would be better to bottle feed, so my partner could get a go.’

Mel sucked in her lips. ‘And you had no one to talk you back into it? I get it. Men can be like that, selfish. They don’t want all the crying over cracked nipples and contracting stomachs, leaking boobs and eternal attachment feeding. But they occasionally want the glory photo of them feedingtheirbaby. I did it with Leia for ten months. Not this time, though. This one is a bottle-fed baby. Now Daz can crack on and feed Skylar sometimes.’

Aisha’s face brightened. ‘Skylar and Leia. What lovely names.’

‘I have aStar Wars-obsessed husband. So they’re named after Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia.’

‘Oh, I wouldn’t have guessed straight away. But now you’ve said it,’ Aisha said looking thoughtful. ‘And Max is a lovely name too.’ She looked at Sophy and smiled.

‘What are yours called?’ Sophy motioned to the pram, where she could see movement under one of the covers.

Aisha looked the double buggy. ‘Oh, they’re probably hot.’ She stood up and unzipped both of the prams and pulled back blankets to reveal the babies, one in an orange striped Babygro and one in green with white spots. Sophy and Mel stood and said, ‘Ahhhh,’ in unison. Then they both looked at each other and laughed, and Sophy felt a tingle of joy surge through her. There was nothing better than having this sort of interaction with another female, when there was a hint that the two of you might actually hit it off.

‘Both boys, Jude and Otis.’ Aisha pointed to the baby on the left and then the right. ‘They will be looking for their food soon’. Aisha began searching in her baby caddy and pulled out two bottles, each filled a quarter way with milk.

‘Shall I give you a hand?’ Mel leant forward to take one of the bottles. ‘May as well whilst madam is still asleep.’

Aisha looked doubtful. ‘I really ought to try and learn to do both of them myself when I’m out.’

‘Not when there’s three of us here, you’re not.’ Mel snatched one of the bottles from Aisha’s hand. Aisha looked shocked, but put the remaining bottle on the table whilst she carefully handed one rousing baby to Mel.

‘Who’ve I got then?’ Mel looked down at the baby as she cradled him.

‘That’s Jude.’

‘How do you know the difference?’ Mel carefully popped the small teat into Jude’s mouth, and he began drinking furiously. ‘My, my, he’s got a strong suck!’

‘I go by the shape of their eyes. I know it sounds silly, but I really can tell. Other than that, Otis has a birthmark on his bum and slightly crinklier ears!’

Mel examined the baby’s ears. ‘Good lord, so he does. Bless you and them. They’ll be messing with you for sure when they’re older, won’t they?’

‘They play me up now!’ Aisha said loudly with a slight shake to her voice and both the other women looked at her. ‘I mean… What I mean is, two is hard, you know,’ Aisha added.

‘Yeah, I get it,’ Sophy said softly. ‘I find the night feeds are the hardest. Especially as it’s only me who can do it.’

‘God, yeah. It’s that 3 a.m. one that’s a killer, right? When they were only up three hours before,’ Mel said. ‘Oh my, he’s almost finished this one. Hungry bugger.’

‘That’s the one I find the hardest to get back to sleep after,’ Aisha said. ‘The middle-of-the-morning one. I’m so glad it’s not just me who feels that way.’ Relief flooded Aisha’s face and voice. She was feeding Otis, who was almost back asleep at the bottle. Mel leant Jude forward and gently patted his back. His eyes began to droop. Both women were tuned into Aisha. She clearly had stuff on her mind.

‘I find it so… lonely. Like I’m the only person awake in the world. I know there are millions of other people up and about, working, but right then, in that moment, in those wee small hours, with such a small person – or persons – reliant on me, I feel so incredibly alone,’ Aisha said.

Sophy felt a huge sense of relief that matched Aisha’s expression and tone. She wasn’t the only woman who felt like this. There were other women too, women like Aisha, who were trying to feedtwobabies at a time when it felt like you were the only person in the world. As Sophy absorbed this new information, she realised she had been quiet for some time and a pang of panic struck for what Aisha must be thinking. Sophy thought it would be Mel who spoke first, but she too still seemed to be mulling over what Aisha had just said. She was surprised to hear it was her own voice that spoke next.

‘You know you could message me. At 3 a.m. or whenever the babies are awake and you feel lonely.’

Aisha laughed, a short, sharp hoot through her nose that suggested she appreciated Sophy’s sentiment but that it was nothing more than that.

‘No,’ Sophy continued. ‘I mean it. The chances are I might be awake with Max at the same time as you. I can’t say I always will be and luckily once I’m asleep after I’ve fed him, I generally only tend to wake up to his stirrings or cries, so you wouldn’t wake me if you text and I was already in bed.’ Sophy pulled out her phone, flipped to the contacts section. ‘Give me your number.’

Aisha called out the digits and Sophy punched them into her phone.

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