Page 25 of The Beach Holiday

I sat up, hearing raised voices coming from outside the hut. I crept to the window and peered through. I saw Clara was back, and she and Avril were standing in front of one another and just a few yards from me. Clara looked as though she had come from the woods where I had yet to go. Avril looked as though she had just got out of bed. Her hair was a mad mess on the top of her head and she was wearingonly a long T-shirt. She had both hands raised in front of her and waved them up and down. Clara said a few things back and then walked past Avril. Avril shouted something after her, but I had already ducked down as I didn’t want to be seen. I jumped back into bed and tried to breathe normally. I heard the creak of the door as it opened and Clara padding to her bed. I heard a few sniffs and the rustle of her sheet as she climbed under it.

17

THEN

I stood on the shore next to a small boat with a little petrol engine at the back.

‘So we take this boat to a sandbank just around the other side of the bay and across the reef. We use snorkels and spears. We catch enough for today and tomorrow. Then we fish again,’ Mary said.

I nodded. There were five of us heading out: Mary, Kali, Precious, Clara and me. I was glad to be spending more time with Clara. I wanted to ask her about this morning and why she needed to be out running so early.

We were headed to a speck of an island in the middle of the South Pacific. Thoughts spiralled through my mind about how far and remote we already were and now, we were headed to a piece of sand that was apparently no bigger than a couple of houses in length.

As we piled into the boat, my gut tightened. I had never fished a day in my life, let alone with rudimentary tools in the ocean with women I barely knew, and I didn’t want to let the team down. More so I wanted to prove to Kali that it wasn’t some fad I had come for, I was here for the long term, to learn and to become part of the commune. But what if I was outed for being completely incapable?

The boat took off, and Totini Island began to get smaller, and then as we rounded the reef the island became model-sized. I held my finger and thumb up to the horizon and tried to pinch it. In the space of only a few days I had come to appreciate the safety of my surroundings and now, back in the sea, I began to feel the enormity of it, and how far I was from home. I took a few long deep breaths as the wind hit my face, and I wondered if I’d applied enough sun cream, as the strength of the sun could be deceptive amongst the sea breezes.

Finally, after a bumpy thirty or so minutes the boat pulled up at the sandbank. And it truly was just a sandbank. If I had ever imagined in my head a deserted tropical island with one palm tree on it, it was this. Minus the palm tree. The length of it could only have been about a few hundred feet. I could have run to the end and back in less than a minute.

We stepped out of the boat and made our way up onto the sand.

Mary, Clara and Precious immediately began making a shelter out of three large sticks and some tarpaulin. I stood back in awe. A job that would have set me back a good hour, they accomplished in a matter of minutes. We then sat underneath whilst Mary talked me through the dos and don’ts and how tobreathe through the snorkel; I had done it once a few years ago but I let her have her moment.

Then I watched Mary, Kali and Precious run and dive into the sea, and I noticed the sense of competition was fierce between them. I hoped their passion would mean they would overlook any poor offerings from me, as I already began to regret my decision as I watched their confidence soar with every whoop and leap into the water.

‘You’ll be fine,’ Clara said, stepping towards the water in a white swimsuit that showed off her bronzed skin. I wondered why Clara wasn’t already in the sea with the others. She was just as competitive and far more athletic, but she had been withdrawn since we had left Totini, deep in her own thoughts. I had my suspicions it was due to the fight she’d had with Avril earlier this morning.

I stepped out of my shorts and tentatively followed, allowing the water to embrace me as I eased myself in and then put the snorkel over my face.

To say it was amazing would be a poor use of an adjective, as I was already imagining retelling this story and how I would explain the feeling of being so far away from everything and everyone yet being at one with nature. I knew, however, as I tried to articulate it, it would sound weak, as though all the words in the world were not enough. The water was so shallow I only had to dip a few extra feet and I was touching the bottom. I came almost face to face with a turtle and the array of colours with the coral was a spectacular show. I pushed myself as hard as the others and took myself right to the edge of the reef where it dropped off to the depths of the ocean. I held my spear in my hand but every time I came close to one of thosebeautiful fish, I just could not bring myself to do it. So I swam around for half an hour or so, just immersing myself in the underwater scene.

I noticed the three women had become even more competitive, racing back to the shore with their catches and whooping like excited children. Clara remained reserved, working fast yet methodically. I thought that with the rate they were catching and with how keen they were to appease themselves and one another, maybe my lack of contribution would be overlooked. Just this once. I didn’t want to appear as someone who couldn’t kill her dinner, as I knew this was the way of life here; there was no popping to the local supermarket to pick up a packet of frozen fish and a bag of peas. And I was glad; this was what I wanted. I would try harder next time.

I had just come up to the surface for a rest, to float on my back for a few minutes when I heard the scream. It was shrill and without anything around us to absorb its intensity, I felt it penetrate my ears and into my head. I lost my bearings with the noise and so when I finally managed to spin myself around to look directly at the sandbank, I saw the drama unfolding. Mary and Clara were clamouring to the sandbank, one holding the other up. I couldn’t quite work out which one at first and then I saw it. The spear through Clara’s foot. She was screaming. Blood was gushing from the wound where the spear was firmly planted.

Everything seemed to slow down. I felt as though I were watching in slow motion. Precious reached the shore and pulled her snorkel off in one swift snapping action, then jogged to where the two women were. Clara was lying on the ground, writhing around trying to grab at her foot. Mary kept pushingher hands away and dancing around her, waving her hands, not knowing what to do.

What was currently playing out as a dreamlike scenario where I was safely amongst the shallows would soon be playing out in front of me as some sort of horror show the closer I got.

Eventually, I began to move forward until I was touching the sand, then as if someone had been playing a record on the wrong speed, everything around me sped up and became louder.

Mary was shouting to Kali to get her to start the boat; Precious was running around, grabbing all the fish then pulling the shelter down.

Kali appeared next to me. She turned and looked at me with a hard stare.

‘Well, come on then!’

Panic surged through me and catapulted me into action. I dropped my snorkel on the sand and hurried to the tarpaulin, which was already half off. I pulled it all off and rolled it up into a sort of ball. I took it to the boat and stuffed it under one of the seats. Precious carried the fish to the boat and even amongst the chaos of it all, I thought it interesting how she carried out her work methodically, never wavering. And I thought how amongst this tragedy, the camp would still get fed tonight, and that was still at the forefront of her mind.

Kali had started the engine and Mary was now struggling to get Clara up off the ground so I knew this was my next task, and I raced over and bent down, forcing one of Clara’s arms around my neck, trying to avert my eyes from the bloody mess on the top of her foot and the mass of blood that had dyed the sand around her feet and the very spear that was still lodged in her foot.

‘Sadie, hold this.’ Mary grabbed my hand and placed it on the spear, so I was keeping it upright and at the angle at which it went in.

Mary began picking up the spears and snorkels. All the while I stood next to Clara saying ‘shhhh’ over and over and: ‘It will be okay. We’ll get you to the mainland. You’ll be fine.’

At one point I thought she looked at me. She was foaming at the mouth, her teeth clenched, but she was probably just willing me to make the pain stop. To make it all stop. But I didn’t know how. I couldn’t even catch the damn fish, and now I was standing here watching a woman bleed out through a hole in her foot and, again, I didn’t know what to do. I had never felt so out of my depth and whilst I recited my mantra to Clara, my mind was drifting somewhere else, thoughts of how this had come to be, how I had ended up here. And I saw Bruno’s face. And I remembered he was the reason I was here. And suddenly I felt a rage build inside. He had put me in this moment, dealing with things I wasn’t able to deal with.

I looked down at the sand around my feet. It was slowly changing colour from bright white to a deep red. I let out a gasp and then pushed my hand over my mouth. But Clara had already seen my expression. There was so much blood. How would one stop that much blood? Did they have the necessary medical supplies to deal with this sort of emergency?

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