Page 27 of The Beach Holiday

‘I feel I should say a few words for the sake of our newcomer.’ Avril’s eyes were on me.

‘I’m sure you all know by now, but just so you are all aware, our campmate and fellow sister, Clara, was involved in an accident today whilst spearfishing. The spear was removed from her foot and the appropriate methods have been applied.’

‘Can’t she just leave the island, go to the mainland and get treatment?’ I said before I realised I was speaking. Clara had been on my mind all afternoon and the stress had been building.

‘Clara’s passport and visa ran out several months ago; officially she should not be here. We wouldn’t want to make her life even more difficult than it already is. We will keep her here where we can tend to her and make her as comfortable as possible. We have pain relief and antibiotics.’

I looked around the camp at the others. Everyone’s expressions were nonchalant. Someone began to softly strum the guitar and there was some homemade beer being passed around. I shook my head in bewilderment.

‘Can I see her?’ I said to Avril quietly.

‘We see this a lot.’ Avril chewed on a piece of pineapple that had been our dessert at dinner. A tension was building in my gut that hadn’t been there for a few days. Avril hadn’t answered my question.

‘Doyouthink she’ll be okay?’ I asked Avril, quieter this time. The rest of camp had moved on and were no longer listening to her.

‘When she is up to it, you can go and see her.’ Avril touched my arm. She held it there for a while until Lola wrapped her arms around her shoulders and whispered something to Avril that made her laugh.

‘Yes, yes I would love that,’ I said but Avril was barely listening anymore. I felt stupid; I felt as though I were overreacting.

I decided to accept Avril’s words and the general attitude of the camp for now, but tomorrow I wanted to see Clara. And then maybe speak to Avril about charging my phone. After thechaos and horror of today, I needed to hear the familiar voice of someone from back home.

The next day I knew there would be no phone call. I had asked Avril about charging my phone and she just looked at me with sadness.

‘Sadie, you can’t be serious. This is a special place; phones are not allowed. I’m sorry, I should have made that clear before you came. I presumed you would have realised that was obvious.’

‘I just wanted...’ I paused to think of how to say it, but before I could finish my sentence Avril started speaking.

‘You feel terrible about Clara and you wanted to speak to someone back home,’ she said and I nodded. She was perceptive – I had to give her that.

Avril came closer and put her hands on my hips and looked at me. ‘I’m sorry you had to see that yesterday when you’ve only been here a few days. I can’t imagine it was pleasant.’ She stroked a piece of hair away from my face and tilted her head. ‘You’re in recovery and the last thing you needed was more trauma.’ She put her hand back on my waist and I felt her step closer to me, so her hips were almost touching mine. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my lips. I looked into her eyes and yet again it was as if she were seeing everything of me, a true understanding that I hadn’t felt since ... I tried to think when someone had last made me feel seen. I wasn’t sure I had ever felt this level of understanding.

Not even from my parents.

There was a shout from behind us. I spun around to see Lola in the doorway of Avril’s hut.

Avril stepped back from me and walked over to her. I watched Lola raise her hands then move her head closer, gesticulating frantically. Avril put her hand on Lola’s shoulder and pulled her into her chest. Lola relaxed against her immediately, and just before they walked into the hut together Avril turned and looked at me. I looked away, ashamed I had been caught observing their intimate moment.

I sat down around the campfire and began to play out the conversation I might have had, if I’d been able to use my mobile phone.

‘And you’re looking after yourself? Eating well?’My mother’s concerned tone was almost too real in my head. I would want to mention the mystery of the woman living alone in a hut and the animalistic noises I heard coming from there. I knew I would want to tell her about what had happened on the sandbank island yesterday and that someone had been seriously injured. I would want to talk of the fear I felt when I saw someone’s foot impaled by a fishing spear and how it had frozen me to the spot and my gut became jittery once we were all back at the island as I watched Clara being carried away to a place I had yet to see. And how no one appeared to be at all concerned for her, considering this was a commune, a close-knit community where we all looked out for one another. But as I thought all of this I realised all I was doing was highlighting my doubts about coming here, and that maybe this was a mistake.

But I would also want to tell my family how incredibly lucky I felt and that this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams. It was pure fluke that I was here, that Avril had discovered me at the bar on the mainland. I had been given a free ticket to paradise. Theincident yesterday had shaken me, but real life didn’t stop happening just because I was on this island.

I finished my imagined conversation by telling my family I loved them very much and I didn’t have any return dates set but that I would see them soon.

‘Sorry about her; she’s needy.’ Avril startled me out of my daydream as she took a seat next to me. ‘She doesn’t like me even talking to another woman, which is tricky considering we are thirty-one women on one island.’

I smiled. ‘Yeah, tricky.’

‘You need to be able to surrender yourself for a piece of paradise,’ she said looking away into the distance. ‘You’re here for a reason. Forget who you were, what you stood for in the UK, what was expected of you. This is what it’s all about.’

She smiled and I tried to feel what Avril wanted me to: the dream she was selling me, had been selling me since she picked me up in the bar less than a week ago. It was early days yet; I was right at the beginning. I needed time to bed in, I reminded myself and, of course, the risk Avril had taken bringing me to this island. They wanted their anonymity and I had to respect that, and as Avril said, I just needed to let myself go, to enjoy this haven. And if that was what was needed of me, then I would do it. Because no one knows what they are truly capable of until they are tested.

But despite Avril’s meaningful words, I felt a sensation growing within the depths of my gut. Something was urging me to pay attention, and I kept batting it away; I wanted to surrender myself for a piece of paradise, but I wondered exactly how much of myself I was expected to give away.

19

NOW

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