Page 29 of The Beach Holiday

‘There we go, a chef’s kitchen should always be tidy. At least at the beginning.’ She laughed.

‘I want to be where my skills are the strongest whilst I improve at other areas,’ I said. I wanted to add ‘such as fishing’ but I couldn’t bring myself to mention the word as each time I thought of it my stomach started to tie itself in knots.

Avril kept staring as though I was the most fascinating thing she had seen.

‘So, what’s on the menu tonight?’ I asked.

Avril released me from her gaze and looked around her. ‘Eggplant, tomatoes, rice, and pineapple and mango by the looks of it.’

The one thing I would do when I was at home when I was feeling out of sorts, was cook. I loved nothing more than being in my own kitchen, running my fingertips along the rows of herbsand spices, heading to the market, and picking out fresh vegetables. There was such a calming feeling that came with this and so maybe if it didn’t mean that I would step on the mothers’ toes, I might be the one to take over the cooking duties from time to time. I felt it would help me transition from my life back home to here on Totini Island. Because even on the mainland, I had a daily purpose, a job, places to visit and friends to see. Here, I didn’t want the monotony to catch me out; to capture me and convince me this was not for me.

I prepared the eggplants and tomatoes on a large wooden board next to the campfire. I had diced the eggplant and fried it with some herbs. The tomatoes were sliced ready and I had parboiled long beans. Once my mise en place was set up, I looked at it with pride, feeling a sense of accomplishment that I had created something, even though it was merely a few pieces of chopped veg. Something I would have previously done with my eyes shut felt trickier using unfamiliar tools and crouching and leaning on a tree stump.

Avril returned with a slab of meat wrapped in brown paper. I unwrapped it like it was a Christmas present. I looked at the dark red colour, sniffed it.

‘Veal!’ I exclaimed. ‘Did you slaughter this here?’

I thought of the few cows I had seen who roamed freely around the island, mainly sticking to the shades of the trees where they had cylinders of water topped up regularly. I wondered which one was unfortunate enough to have lost a calf recently.

‘We try to eat only meat that has been reared and slaughtered on Totini Island. It’s better that way.’

I picked up the knife again. Avril took hold of my wrist.

‘Here, let me. You’ve worked so hard slicing all the vegetables.’ Avril had such a tender look in her eye and the soft way her hand had embraced my wrist made me instantly let go. I watched as she sat down cross-legged and began to slowly chop the meat into small dice shapes.

‘Is this okay, Chef?’ she murmured without looking at me.

‘Perfect,’ I said quietly. It was exactly how I would have prepared it myself to match the shape of the aubergines, with the vibrancy of the tomatoes, and the addition of the green beans would be a feast for the eyes.

Once she had finished, she stood up, and then she wiped her hands across her bare legs, leaving streaks of blood behind.

I was reminded of Ula’s hut and the bloody handprints all over it, and then I knew it was real blood. But was it an animal’s or her own?

Suddenly the blood, the meat, cutting and preparing in the sun, all felt so primal, the most basic and important form of who these women were, of what they were doing.

‘I’m looking forward to dining with you this evening, Sadie,’ she said before she walked away.

About half an hour later, everyone began to take their places around the campfire and so I tried to look cool and in control. I had started frying the meat into the eggplant, which was now simmering away in the juices. The tomatoes, which were marinated in garlic and salt, and the long beans would go in last.

There were murmurings of appreciation as senses were titillated. Avril arrived and seated herself next to me.

‘It smells amazing; you’re such a gourmet.’ She scoffed the last part in a funny upper-class lady voice, and I leaned into her,appreciating her, thankful she was here, spending time with me. Suddenly, all the worries I’d had about Avril not being honest with me evaporated, along with my doubts and questions. It all felt like nonsense when we were all together like this, just existing with the most simple things: a fire, food and each other.

‘We are in for a treat tonight, everyone. Sadie has cooked for us. It is a very special night indeed; tonight, my friends, we eat like queens,’ Avril announced to the camp.

There was an uproar. Women were on their feet whooping and I had never felt so welcomed. Avril leaned forward and squeezed my arm.

‘Well I can’t take all the credit; Avril was a great commis chef and diced the meat,’ I said loud enough so a few people on my side of the circle heard. Avril even managed to look humbled and seemed to take the compliment.

After dinner I told everyone I would wash up; it was my treat to the camp for making me feel so welcome.

‘I’ll give you a hand,’ Avril said. ‘Come on then.’ She took my arm and we walked over to the kitchenette area like two old school friends. As we did, I saw Avril’s girlfriend. I had now begun to call Lola that, as she always seemed to be there, next to Avril. She grabbed at Avril’s arm and without even looking back, Avril yanked hers away and continued walking.

‘You can go to her if you like?’ I said. ‘I don’t mind washing up alone.’

Avril looked at me blankly.

‘Your girlfriend,’ I added as she seemed confused.

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