Page 58 of The Beach Holiday

I am tired of everyone looking at me like I am a delicate little flower that would break if handled too much. The initial memory loss of my family was hard, but as I have begun to comeback to myself, I’m now mostly terrified to tell them anything about the island or Bruno.

‘I am sure things will start to come back to you soon, my love, and when they do we can put all this behind us and move on with our lives. We can plan our wedding.’ He takes a chance and leans in and kisses me lightly on my cheek. ‘Sorry, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, I’ve missed you, Sadie, so much.’

‘Bruno,’ I say suddenly, clearly and loud enough that everyone can hear.

Bruno looks at me, a mixture of bewilderment and something else. Recognition. He can see what he saw in me before. When I decided I wasn’t going to take any more.

‘I would appreciate it very much if you would leave and never come back.’

I stand and listen to the commotion around me, cries of disbelief from Bruno and apologies from my mum.

Jane reads the signs and is already ushering Bruno out of the room. He says his goodbyes and then Jane takes me to my bedroom. It is not actually my bedroom anymore, but the room I’d had before I moved out a few years ago.

Once Jane has left me, closing the door behind her, I fall onto the bed and cry a mixture of tears of relief and anger. I had forgotten the strength I had within me. Avril had used my vulnerabilities to dupe me to go to Totini. It had all been a trap from the outset. But it was I who was instrumental in everything that happened in the end.

47

THEN

I walked up the hill and joined Ula outside her hut.

‘Hey,’ I said to her, but she didn’t look at me straight away; she continued looking ahead towards the sea. From here, I could hear the chanting, which must have gotten louder since I had left the camp.

I listened to see if I could make out any words, but it was as inaudible as it had been when I had been standing right next to them.

‘How are you?’ I asked Ula but I wasn’t expecting a response. She and I had yet to converse in any way that made sense to me. I knew today wouldn’t be any different. But I needed to hear something from Ula; I needed her to help me.

After a few seconds’ silence I turned to her.

‘Ula, I think ... I’m feeling uncomfortable. Avril has asked me to tend to the men in the prison. It doesn’t feel right if I’mhonest. What do you think? And these new men that have arrived. Avril has them in camp tonight. I have a really bad feeling.’

‘Listen.’ Ula’s voice punctured my ramblings. I looked up and beyond the sound of the swishing waves. I heard the constant thrum of the chanting.

I looked at Ula. ‘I hear it,’ I said. ‘What does it mean?’

Ula shook her head. ‘It is too late now. There is no time left. You must accept this.’ Then she glanced back at her hut. ‘The way I have.’

I felt my throat tighten and my guts suddenly felt loose. I swallowed but it felt painful and dry.

‘What do you mean, it’s too late. What does that mean, Ula?’

Damn this woman. Could she not just speak one coherent sentence? Just fucking one. I was half tempted to shake her, to see if that would bring her out of this permanent daze she seemed to be in. ‘Ula, what do you mean it is too late?’

She turned so she was looking at me full-on. ‘You must see for yourself.’

And then she was off with her torch in her hand. I ran to catch up with her, and we were back on the beach. She was striding off ahead towards the camp. Christ, what was going on? I had just come from there and I had no desire to go back there again tonight. Especially not with Ula in tow. What would the camp think? I could be turned on; they could hurt Ula. I ran to catch up with her, but she was tall and strong and her stride was twice as long as mine.

‘Ula, stop, please, I don’t want to go back there. Please, stop.’ I grabbed at her arm, but she just shook me off.

‘You must see for yourself. Then you will know.’

I carried on trotting next to her, trying to keep up with her pace.

‘Okay, but when we get there, please can we hide, can we not be seen? I don’t want them to see me or you?’

Ula glanced at me and then carried on looking ahead. I had no choice, I could follow her and find out what the hell she was ranting on about or I could stay here on the beach alone, worrying about Ula and if she was safe. I had done this walk a hundred or so times these last few weeks but today it felt particularly long and arduous as the ground rose and fell again. Once we were on easier terrain I knew we weren’t far from the camp now, that and the fact that the chanting had increased in volume. I could see the strain in Ula’s eyes, as she concentrated on walking at a pace.

Then suddenly she dropped to a steadier walk as I began to see the light from the camp in the distance. Ula took us to the right through the bushes and I knew what she was doing. We would be hidden here; we could observe whatever the hell was going on and no one would see us.

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