Page 60 of The Beach Holiday

THEN

‘Sadie,’ Avril croaked.

I saw on the blankets next to Adi’s leg, which was entwined around Avril’s, the faded pink journal.

I leaned forward and took it. Adi went to try and snatch it off me, but Avril made a sound through her teeth as if she were training a dog, and Adi stopped dead then moved back into the crook of her arm. I watched the two of them for a second, wondering what it was I was witnessing here, but unable to fully take it in as my mind replayed the images from the camp over and over. The soft sound of the drums was still in my ears even though I was sure they had ended already.

‘This book, I have been trying to read it, trying to get answers.’ I was crying and spilling tears on the cover, as finally the shock wore off and I was able to release some of the emotion.

Avril moved from the bed and got closer to me. She put a blanket around my shoulders and then handed me something to drink that was not kava but was alcohol.

‘Why is this in here?’ I asked.

‘Adi brought it to me; he loves paper and stationery. You really shouldn’t have this journal, Sadie. But you have it now. So go on, read it.’

I tried to imagine Avril as the girl I had met in the café a month ago, but now all I could see was a killer.

‘You killed James. Both of them. They’re dead.’

‘Yes,’ she spat. ‘Because they are monsters, just like all of them.’

Again I found it difficult to believe that the nice young man I had spoken with at the wash-up was a monster.

‘But why didn’t you lock them up in Camp Z?’

‘Do you see any more jails?’ Avril’s words punched me. But I didn’t care. I needed to know the truth.

‘I know you’ve been having doubts about staying here. It’s written all over your face. I don’t see the girl I met in the café. I see someone who is terrified.’

I looked at Avril and I knew I wanted to be as far away from her as possible.

I skidded and slipped back down the mountain until I was back on the beach under the bush I had passed out in earlier. Still clutching the journal I held it out under the light of the moon and continued to read. I knew the answers would be in here somewhere.

50

THEN

Journal entry

I was an easy target, lost, wandering. Fertile. Now I am pregnant and ready to burst. I can see that now. I feel stronger. Stronger and more powerful than I have ever felt. And that was why Deny had to go.

Ula does not understand. I tried to ask him to leave, but he wouldn’t – he just wouldn’t listen.

Even after what he did to me.

Luring me in. Taking advantage.

I still have flashbacks, the way he had been calling me Cupcake down on the beach all night. The way I had tried to walk back to my cabin, and he had followed me. The way he pinned me down to the ground, told me he would kill me if I screamed.

But in the end it was he who screamed.

I didn’t want to be a mother, but I have been burdened with this task. I will do the best I can. But I was not shown how. I have called him Adi. I will do what I can.

Ula is not doing so well. She had fallen in love with Deny but in the end, she didn’t understand.

I stopped reading and stared at the words. This was not Ula’s journal I was reading. This was Avril’s.

We need to move on and quickly, there is a job on a neighbouring island. Ula is not doing well. She has agreed to come with me. But it is like a switch has just gone off, and I don’t think I will ever get her back again.

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