Page 50 of Secrets and Starlight

Judging from the tether, Zayne was now deep within the vault, but the knowledge didn’t stop me from impatiently searching the death gate some distance from us. I couldn’t wait until he returned and ended this embarrassing lesson.

We’d been staring at the damned rock for ages now, but despite my best attempts to fill it with light, the rock remained dark. So did my hand.

“Are you sure this will work?” I asked her.

“Not exactly,” she admitted. “But…”

I nodded. If this didn’t work, I didn’t know who could teach me beyond someoneinthe Starlit Court. Whomever my father was, he must have been one of the countless courtiers who hadtraveled south, drawn to the sheer thrill of traveling beyond magic. Before the Collapse, many fae had done just that.

If I felt up to the challenge, maybe I could determine the top contenders for my father’s identity, especially now that I was certain he was from the Starlit Court. It wouldn’t be too hard. Countless Valterran courtiers had long ago placed their bets on my paternity, and while Icouldask Rhett for his shortlist… I didn’twantto know. Not really.

My father had never stepped forward, never claimed me.

Regardless.

My magic was getting harder to control. Last night, secured in Zayne’s shadows, losing control hadn’t mattered. But anywhere else, especially somewhere like Mer…

I needed control of my powers.

And as uncomfortable as it was, my magic responded positively to the Starlit King’s. The same way his starlit box had drawn me closer, like calling to like, his magic recognized mine, and if anyone was to understand my magic well enough to show me how to wield it, itwouldbe the Starlit King.

On some level, the lessons didn’t strike me as an entirely bad idea. It’s why I’d run last night, insisting we leave. The moment the Starlit King offered his help, promising that he could help me learn to regulate my magic, a fraction of me had been tempted.

Like now. When I couldn’t summon a wisp of starlight.

Even Ninti’s well meaning advice was starting to feel fatigued, like we both knew there was something missing. If I felt threatened or excited, my light was unstoppable, but now, when I tried to expel it intentionally, it evaded me.

Unfortunately, that didn’t stop the magic from building within me. Filling me up.

I had been thinking about light, drawing it in for so long that I was now like a dam ready to burst, the power pent-up inside of me. The longer I tried to shift the light from my hand in to therock with nothing happening, the more the pent-up magic roiled in my stomach.

Nauseated, I shook my head and lowered to the ground, setting the rock to the side. “The power is trapped inside me now.” My vision swam.

Ninti picked up a smaller rock with her mouth and brought it back to me. “Let’s try something smaller.”

“It’s not working!” I squeezed my eyes shut. “The more I try, the sicker I feel. Everything’s jumbled and agitated. I need… something different.” I took another deep breath. “I need to take a break.”

All my life, I had wanted fae magic, believing it would finally make me happy. I had wanted to meet my firewolf, believing she could solve all my problems.

Now…Ugh.

I leaned forward onto my hands and knees, swallowing down the urge to vomit. Negotiating with my magic felt like swimming under a waterfall.

Ninti nuzzled my shoulder, her fire sickeningly hot. “Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you.” I breathed, just breathed, praying something would take away the turmoil within me.

Magic wasn’t nearly as intuitive as I had hoped. When I had trained as a soldier, at least I had instructors who knew what they were doing. And now…

We were doing the best we could.

“You’ve never taught someone how to use their magic before, have you?” I asked, hoping conversation could distract me from the nausea.

“My previous companion had grown up in the Isles, yes.”

“So I’d guess that, unlike me, he eased into his magic from childhood.”

She nodded sadly. “Yes.”

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