Page 105 of Ace My Heart

Joel was having none of that. “Just get it off your chest, Mel!” he commanded.

My head snapped up to look at him and I just blurted it out. “I have never felt so much pressure to win in my life! Natalie told her dad she had a good feeling about me. Everyone has been saying things like ‘when you win at Wimbledon’ and … your dad … he would have …”

“He would have known that no matter what happens, Mel, you’re doing your best, playing your best.”

“No, it doesn’t feel like that’s enough anymore,” I blubbered, my tears overflowing. I wiped angrily at my streaming eyes.

Joel had gotten quite comfortable with my extreme emotions – I’d certainly given him a lot of practise with them these last few months. He leaned towards me over the table and pulled my hands into his. They we so big they made mine look tiny and delicate.

“Okay, lets deal with this, once and for all. You don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to your tennis. If you start feeling like your performance is all for others it’s never going to end well for you, even if you do win here at Wimbledon, because there will always be the next one, and the next one, and the stakes will start to feel too high.

“Do this for you, Mel. Sure, you can feel inspired by Natalie and by Dad. But at the end of the day, this is for you. Okay?”

I nodded.

“Anything else that you want to get out, while you’re already crying?”

“Brad probably hates me because we kissed and then I freaked out!” I wailed.

Joel huffed. “Stinky, Brad doesn’t hate you. He could never hate you. He loves you.”

I shook my head, tears plopping into my salad. “He doesn’t love me. No one can fall in love just like that.” I lifted one hand from Joel’s, snapping my fingers to emphasise my point.

Joel chuckled. “Stink, peoplecanfall in love just like that. People can fall in love from the first time they clap their eyes on someone. And it’s not like this has happened overnight anyway. He’s been your friend for years. You think you’re incapable of making a guy fall in love with you? You probably do it all the time and you don’t even realise it.”

I didn’t like the things that Joel was saying. They made me feel warm and fluttery, and at the same time as if my heart and lungs were suddenly too big to be contained in my chest.

“But I don’t love him – not like that, anyway.”

“Well, if he loves you, he’ll understand. He’ll realise that he can accept it and take whatever piece of you that you’re willing to give. Or if not … well, that’s on him, not on you.”

Joel’s eyes became more serious. “You’ve got a very important tournament to play. You need your wits about you for this. As your coach, I can’t have you moping about something like this. I need your focus to be on your game. And … as your friend … Stink, I hate seeing you so miserable.”

He reached into his pocket and he pulled out his mobile phone, sitting it on the table in front of me. I looked at it, but made no move to pick it up.

“Give Brad a call, Stinky. Tell him you’re sorry, make it better between the two of you. And then we’ll go out and do something fun this evening, and tomorrow you can train, and relax, and get ready to smash Slavonisovich on Wednesday.”

He was smiling so beautifully at me that I couldn’t help but feel my own lips pulling up at the corners.

I took a deep breath. “Okay, Joel. But I’ll use my own phone.”

I stood up and walked into my bedroom. I didn’t want Joel to hear this conversation. I sat on the edge of the bed and dialled. It rang and it rang. I was about to hang up when Brad answered.

“Hey, Mel,” he panted. “Sorry, I was working out. What’s up?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat – hewasacting a little brusquely towards me. Normally he was so happy to hear from me when I was overseas. I tried not to let regret overwhelm me and focussed instead on making it better.

“Working out? Why, got a hot date tonight?” I joked, then winced straight away. That was probably not the best thing to say, considering the last ‘date’ he’d been on.

Brad grunted. “Nope. I had a bad experience recently, so I’m steering clear of women for a while.”

Ouch!

God, please let me find the right words to make things okay between us again.

“Brad, I’m so sorry about that night. I shouldn’t have … we shouldn’t have … what I’m trying to say is that … I shouldn’t have kissed you back. It … I gave you the wrong impression that night.”

Gee, thanks God, that was just sooo articulate!

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