Page 124 of Ace My Heart

The next morning, I crawled out of bed after managing maybe four hours sleep, peering at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. The circles under my eyes were purple. I looked about forty, not almost twenty-three.

Almost twenty-three. Ugh. Almost twenty-three and what did I have to show for it?

Well, if I was being positive, I had a Wimbledon title. I had my own apartment which was paid off now courtesy of the winnings from Wimbledon. I had a regular income from Dudz, and now Martel, who were paying for all my playing gear now too. I had a cat who liked me most of the time.

I had friends … and just like that I was on the downward spiral again. I hadn’t spoken to Brad once since I’d gotten back from London. Texts left unanswered, every call sent to voicemail. How the fuck was I supposed to face him knowing he had feelings for me, after what had happened with DJH overseas? I was afraid that Brad would take one look at me and figure out what was wrong. And he’d end up hating me because of it.

Of course, there was Amanda, but she was so busy with nursing shifts and Thomas … I tried to think of something else positive to pull me back out of the slump.

DJH was the only thing that came into my head. I tried to salvage something good from the whole mess. Well, he was an incredible coach.

He was gorgeous and an amazing lover … but I couldn’t think about that because I wasn’t sleeping with him ever again. He made me laugh. Well, he used to make me laugh. Now he was always Serious Joel.

I forced DJH from my mind and showered hurriedly, dressing in my training gear and getting on my bike to head over to his place.

He had the drills all set up for me when I arrived. I stripped out of the jumper and track pants I’d worn over my training gear. He looked at me strangely for just a second, then his eyes flickered away. He never looked at me when he spoke to me anymore.

“You’re not getting enough sleep,” he commented sternly, his eyes focussed about a foot above my head. I shrugged.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

He did meet my eyes then for a second, searchingly. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it, pressing his lips together. He turned and demonstrated the drill he wanted me to do. I complied in silence.

Why can’t we just talk about it? Why can’t we just have a massive fight about whatever it is that’s making us act all weird, then have some hot make-up sex and get over it, go back to normal?the voice in my head screeched as I picked up a skipping rope. But that would be stupid. It was sex that had made things weird between us in the first place. Having more certainly wasn’t going to help.

But it would be fantastic …

No Mel! No more sex with DJH for you!

Drills finished, Joel motioned in the direction of the weights equipment. I paused and shook my head. I couldn’t handle theweirdness anymore. But I couldn’t find the courage to speak up and ask him to explain what was going on.

“I’ll do weights at the gym this afternoon,” I mumbled. I expected him to argue, to tell me that I should do them now, while he was there to supervise. Instead, he just shrugged.

“If that suits you, Stink,” he muttered. I took a deep breath and willed the tears back inside my skull. I wouldn’t cry over him. I had no reason to cry over him. He’d made it perfectly clear to me that it was just about sex. But now it wasn’t about anything, apparently.

I was scared. I wasn’t able to resist him, but I had to because I couldn’t bring myself to put it out there. I was worried that he’d reject me. I couldn’t come back from that.

I left in a huff, the best way to mask the world of hurt I was feeling underneath. I powered home on my bike, as if riding faster would leave my worries behind. Of course, it never works that way. They were still waiting for me when I got home.

Another problem was also waiting for me at my front door, disguised as Amanda. I wasn’t sure how I knew she was going to make my life more difficult – maybe it was the sheepish look on her face.

“Hey Mel, how are you?” she asked me too brightly.

“Fine,” I replied warily, unlocking the door and climbing the stairs. She followed me.

“Want a cup of tea?” I asked automatically as I held my door open for her. She nodded as she walked inside and plonked herself down on the lounge. I went straight into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

“So, how have you been? Busy I bet. I’ve seen you on TV like a thousand times in the last week!” she said, speaking loudly over the bubbling of the kettle. I turned around and leaned against the bench, my arms folded.

“Amanda, you know I love you, but whatever ulterior motive you came here with, spit it out now,” I snapped.

Amanda gazed at me wide eyed, looking much too innocent to be anything but guilty. Then she sighed and all the pretence slipped from her face.

“Okay, let’s get the nasty bit out of the way, and then we can talk about other stuff.”

I held my breath, having a sneaking suspicion about what she was here for. Or rather, on whose behalf she was here.

“I feel really silly coming over here to ask you this, Mel, really I do – it’s not like we’re in primary school anymore. So, I’m just going to say it. Brad’s upset because you’ve been avoiding him. He said that he’s tried to call you a few times and you haven’t answered, and you haven’t responded to any of his texts.”

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