Page 125 of Ace My Heart

I screwed up my nose.

“So why didn’t he come round himself to confront me?” I asked, even though I felt intensely relieved that he’d sent Amanda instead. I didn’t think I was ready to deal with an emotional showdown at the moment.

Amanda grimaced. “Well, he’s worried that you don’t want to see him. He doesn’t want you to feel crowded at all.”

I felt so guilty. I should have just been honest with him from the start: that I wasn’t in a place to acknowledge his feelings for me, because I was … what was I? I was pining after something I couldn’t have. Was that why Joel had backed off all of a sudden? Because he could tell I was getting too into it, and he didn’t want to encourage that?

Stop! No thinking about DJH, Mel!

“I’ll call him today,” I promised Amanda. “You’re right, I’ve just been really busy with work – I was waiting for it all to calm down, but I should have at least told him that. I’ll call him.”

Amanda seemed to relax. “Okay, I’m glad that’s over. Now, tell me all about England! I bet you partied hard the night after the win?”

Thank God the kettle boiled right at that moment, and I was able to turn away from her to pour the tea. There was no way I would have been able to mask the expression on my face, and she would have known something was up.

“Uh, yeah, Joel and I went out to the WTA after party. You know how much I hate to go to the social things, but I was sort of obligated.”

I composed my face and turned back to Amanda. I passed a mug of tea to her, sitting on the chair opposite her and taking a sip of my own. It scalded my tongue.

“Did you do anything else fun?” she asked me over the top of her mug. I took a few deep breaths while I pushed away the memories of all the ‘fun’ things I’d done just before and just after that party.

“Actually, yes, Joel got us tickets to see Jace McKenzie,” I answered, pleased at how airily I was able to say his name.

“Wow! That’s awesome! You love him!” Amanda said. I felt the blush rising and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

Amanda was looking at me funny. “What’s going on, Mel?” she asked hesitantly. I looked away and took another sip of my tea.

“Nothing, why?” My voice sounded suss as I shook my head too hard.

“Oh, Mel, you’re in love with Joel, aren’t you?”

I choked on a mouthful of tea and almost spat it across the room. “No!Godno! What made you think that?” My voice was on the edge of hysteria.

“Uh, apart fromthatreaction, every time you say his name your voice gets all sweet.”

“I’m notin lovewith him,” I insisted, sounding less certain about that than I would have liked.

Amanda shrugged. “Well, if you say so.” She didn’t sound convinced.

The need to confide insomeonesuddenly overwhelmed me, and the words started spewing out of me.

“I had sex with Joel while we were in England. And not just once – lots of times. And it was thebestsex of my entire life. And then when we got home, we had sex again.” I didn’t tell her it was on the lounge she was sitting on, because she’d probably be horrified.

“And the reason that I haven’t answered any calls from Brad is that I just don’t know what to do. I feel things when I’m with Joel that confuse me. Ihatebeing confused. And I don’t want to drag Brad into this mess until I’ve worked it out.”

I stopped blathering and looked at Amanda properly. She was gaping at me. I took a gulp of my tea and waited in intense embarrassment for her to say something.

“You … had sex with Joel?” she whispered. I nodded, looking down into my cup, where I could see some tea leaves floating about in the bottom. If a gypsy was here to read my fortune, I wondered what those leaves would say.

Amanda laughed. I looked up, wondering what was wrong with her. She was grinning at me like a fool.

“Well, it’s about time! You have no idea how painful it’s been for the last few years wondering when you two would finally admit that you aretotallyin love with each other!”

I plonked my teacup down on the coffee table and glared at her. “He’snotin love with me. And I’mnotin love with him. It was just sex. He’s made that perfectly clear.”

“But you want more.” She didn’t pose it as a question. I shrugged.

“I don’t knowwhatI want. I don’t knowhowI feel. It’s awful, Amanda. And I’m scared to talk to Brad because I just … can’t handle his feelings for me right now. I’m too much of a mess.”

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