Page 131 of Ace My Heart

Iclimbed off my bike, and I was at the door ringing the bell without any idea of how I was going to do this.

DJH answered the door.

“Hey, Stink. I thought you were doing weights at the gym this afternoon?” His tone was subdued. I missed the flirty one, the tone that, now it was gone, seemed to have been so easy between us before we’d complicated things with sex. Well, I was about to make things even more complicated.

“You have a brother?” I hissed. Nothing like jumping straight into the deep end.

His mouth dropped open in shock and he threw a glance over his shoulder. “Keep your voice down,” he muttered, dragging me inside, upstairs and along the hallway to his bedroom. He closed the door behind us and sunk down onto the edge of his bed. I momentarily forgot why I was there.

I’d never been inside Joel’s room before. I was surprised at how neat it was. I don’t know what I’d expected; naked girls on the walls, dirty socks in the corner and an unmade bed perhaps. It was nothing like that. The king-sized bed was made immaculately with a blue comforter spread out on top. The walls were decorated with black and white cityscape photography. A couple of personal photos graced the top of a chest of drawers, nestled inbetween a phone charger, a bottle of cologne, cufflinks, and Joel’s wristwatch.

I found myself walking over to the photos to take a closer look. One was Joel with his mother and father. He looked about seventeen, younger than he’d been when I’d met him. He had been a gorgeous teenager, but that was only to be expected, really.

The other photo shocked me. My eyes were staring out of it. I was laughing, my hair wet around my shoulders. Joel’s arm was slung around me, but he wasn’t looking at the camera. He was looking down at me, a grin on his face. I couldn’t remember the photo being taken, but judging by the bikini I was wearing, it had been at the pool party that Steve had thrown for me when I finished high school.

I reached out towards the photo, but before I touched it, I stopped myself. I turned back to Joel, who watched me warily.

“How did you find out?” he asked.

I crossed my hands over my chest, reminding myself that I was furious with him for lying to me. “I ran into Julie at the gym today. She had Shaun with her.”

Joel paled. “Did she say anything to you?”

I nodded. “Of course she did! She had to. Joel, Shaun looks so much like you it’s not funny! I thought he wasyours! I totally freaked out and she had to tell me everything, so I’d stop thinking that you had a son!”

Joel looked up at me from his hands. “You thought he was mine and you freaked out?”

I glared at him. “Would you be freaked out if you found out that I had a kid you didn’t know about?”

Joel paused, then nodded. “Okay, I get your point. So now you know.”

I noticed the look of relief on his face. “Yes, now I know! And if you’re so relieved that I know now, why didn’t you tell me yourself? You have no idea how horrible it was for me to find out the way I did!”

Joel looked taken aback. “I promised Julie I wouldn’t tell anyone! And now that you know, you have to promise not to tell anyoneeither. Stink, you think this has been bad for you – imagine how I feel, keeping this a secret from Mum! It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’ve managed. Please don’t say anything to her.”

He looked beseechingly up at me and I felt my anger fading. “I won’t tell her, Joel.”

I saw his shoulders relax as he realised that I was telling the truth. I couldn’t feel as reassured. I was too nervous about the next thing I needed to talk to him about.

“So … I guess you were pretty mad at your dad when you found out?” I asked tentatively.

Joel looked down at his hands. “That’s an understatement! Cheating disgusts me. And … it hurts too, you know? Realising that the perfect family you thought you had wasn’t enough for your own father. But I had to rise above my personal feelings, for Shaun. He needs me now that Dad’s gone. I’ve got to be there for him and to support Julie.”

I was so close to sitting down beside him and drawing him into my arms then. But I had to see this conversation through. I had to do what I’d come here to do, but I was scared; scared to ask, scared to hear his answer, and not just because if he answered yes it would mean he was a murderer. Scared because I wasn’t sure that him saying yes would make any difference to how I felt.

“Joel, was it you?” I blurted, my eyes fixed firmly on his face. His brows furrowed in confusion. I couldn’t blame him; I wasn’t exactly making myself clear. I forced the words from my mouth, before I lost my nerve.

“Did you … kill … your dad? Julie told me that the night it happened you left her place for a couple of hours early in the morning. You were angry … you’d just found out he’d been having an affair. Did you want to … to punish him?”

Joel stared at me with such an expression of horror on his face that I kept talking, stumbling over the words that came bubbling up next. The words that I had been trying not to say to him since Wimbledon.

“I need to know, Joel, because I think that … well … I might want … more … with you. But I need you to be honest with me. I need toknow if you killed him … them, because if you did … well, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

My words clammed up in my throat when I realised Joel was staring daggers at me. He sat, glaring at me, for the longest moment of my life.

“I thought you didn’t want things to change?” Joel sounded furious, and his brows knitted together over his eyes. I stared at him wide-eyed.Thatwas the most important thing he’d taken from everything I’d said?

“Well, maybe I … maybe when you asked me before, I was too confused about what I was feeling. You didn’t give me much time to process it, you know.”

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