Page 141 of Ace My Heart

“Who knows what goes on in the head of a psychopath, Mel? He went to insane levels of effort to get close to you, without you realising.” Brad tilted his head to one side, watching me. I faltered under his gaze and looked down at my arm, at the little Bandaid where the IV had been removed. He looked at me the way I was sure I looked at Joel.

“We might learn more when the trial gets underway.”

Brad was right. There wasn’t any point in me worrying over it. I’d find out the whole story sooner or later. All I cared about really was that they’d caught him before it had been too late for Joel.

Joel.

The door opened and a nurse came in with papers to sign. I sat up straighter on the bed and reached for the pen. My left arm still hung virtually useless by my side. I was going to need a lot of physio to get back into competition shape.

I added that to the rapidly expanding list of things I needed to speak to Joel about. Along with telling him that I loved him, and yelling at him for not coming to visit me. And asking him if he felt anything for me at all. And getting ready for heartbreak when he let me down.

“I just don’t know what to do, Brad,” I blurted once we were safely in the car and driving through the evening peak hour traffic. “I really need my best friend right now. And I know that you probably don’t want to hear about it, but you’re the only person I’ve told about … Joel … and I just need to talk about it.”

Brad flexed his fingers on the steering wheel, and he wore a little smirk that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Spit it out, Mel.”

“So … you don’t think there’s a future for me and Joel, do you?” I asked timidly.

“Smellie, I don’t know. It’s not really any of my business, is it? What doyouthink?”

I sighed. “I’m doubtful.”

Brad’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. “But you can’t change the way you feel about him.”

I shook my head.

“Well, I can’t change the way I feel about you.”

I fixed my gaze out the passenger window. I couldn’t look at him while he said these things.

“But Smell, I love you enough that I just want to be a part of your life – whatever part you want me to fill. I’m not going anywhere. Maybe you love Joel enough to just want to be a part of his life too, even if it’s not the part you were hoping for.”

I wasn’t sure that I could swallow my pride enough for that. Not telling him how I felt at all would be better than the humiliation of having it thrust in my face every day that it was unrequited.

“I’m so confused,” I muttered.

Brad chuckled under his breath. “Join the club, Smellie. Life is just one discombobulating event after another.”

I rolled my eyes, surprised that he had managed to make me smile. I nudged him with my good arm. “You know I hate it when you use those big words, Bradley.”

We pulled into my driveway, and the smile I’d finally managed to find lurking inside me slipped from my face. It finally hit me. I’d come very close to being dead. Suddenly I really didn’t want to go inside my apartment, to be properly alone for the first time since it had happened.

Brad must have seen the way my face changed. He stopped the car, but he didn’t cut the engine.

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern seeping into his tone. I stared straight ahead, not wanting Brad to be able to meet my eyes, to see the sudden fear in them. I felt silly and paranoid for being terrified to go into my home, but I couldn’t make the rational side of me overcome the emotional one.

“I can’t do this …” I whispered.

“I can take you away if you want – we can go have dinner somewhere.”

I took a deep, shaky breath. “No, Brad, it’s okay, I’ve got to do it sooner or later.”

“I’ll carry your stuff up for you.”

Inside my apartment almost everything was as I’d left it. Even a ravenously hungry Connor met me at the door.

“I’ll feed him,” Brad offered, heading to the kitchen, where I noticed the mess of Connor’s food had been cleaned up.

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