Page 91 of Ace My Heart

And what about Joel?

Yes, what about Joel?The little voice asked snarkily in the back of my head. I couldn’t think about him.

I fell asleep tryingnotto think about him.

I dreamed that I was on the balcony at Ben’s house. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or scared in the dream at all – I felt happy and content to have him holding me this way.

I turned around to kiss him and found myself face to face with Joel. He was scowling down at me, his eyes dark with fury.

“Filthy whore! Ungrateful slut!” he roared at me, putting his hands around my throat and squeezing. I clawed desperately and in vain at his hands, leaning away from him. I felt the cold of the balcony railing pressing into my back, and suddenly I was falling headfirst towards frothing water below.

I woke up with a jolt on the lounge, upsetting Connor, who’d been lying across my throat. No wonder I’d dreamed that I had been choking. I got up and made my groggy way to the bedroom, where I fell into bed and into a blessedly dreamless sleep.

The phone woke me as the sun was peeking through my blinds, fighting valiantly against the heavy, dark clouds that were still rumbling around. I rubbed my bleary eyes and reached for my phone.

“Hello?” I grated, still mostly asleep.

“Stink? Did I wake you?” Joel’s voice shook.

I yawned. “Yes.”

“Don’t turn on the TV, don’t look at your phone, whatever you do. I’m almost at your place.” He hung up.

I unlocked the front door so Joel could get in when he arrived, then I stumbled my way into the bathroom, and ran the shower. The hot water revitalised me a little bit, and by the time I’d washed my hair I was feeling mostly awake. I wrapped a towel around me and stepped out of the bathroom.

Joel was sitting in the living room, staring into space. He was white as a ghost and his lips were a tight, thin line. Something was very wrong. I had been planning on getting dressed, but I found my feet taking me out to the lounge room, where I sat in one of my chairs.

“What is it, Joel?” I asked. He looked at me and his eyes seemed lifeless.

“Ben’s dead.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

What If …

My jaw fell open. I sat staring at him for what could have been seconds, or hours.

“What?” I whispered when I found my voice again. “How?”

“They think he fell. Or jumped. Off the balcony.”

We lapsed into stunned silence. Eventually, I got up and went to the bedroom. I pulled on my clothes, barely feeling the fabric on my skin.

I returned to the living room, but instead of taking my seat in the chair, I sat down on the lounge next to Joel. He was still staring at the wall. The shock of this, so soon after his dad …

“Joel, I … I’m so sorry,” I whispered. Joel didn’t budge.

“Last night I dreamed that I was being choked by you, on Ben’s balcony. And then I fell.”

Joel jolted, turning to me. “Iwas choking you?” he repeated, his voice shaky. I nodded.

“I wouldn’t ever,” he whispered. I found myself wriggling closer, wrapping my arms around his middle, resting my head against his chest.

“I know you wouldn’t.”

God, I know that yesterday I wished Ben would leave and never come back, but I didn’t mean THIS. You know I didn’t mean this, don’t you? I would never wish that someone was dead!

I felt cold, although the apartment was quite warm. I huddled closer to Joel and let him put his arms around me.

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