Page 12 of Bed of Roses

“Hey asshole. What the fuck is going on? Why did my sister call me in tears to cancel Thursday night?”

“Well … um … we had an argument and—”

“It was a rhetorical question fuckwit. She told me the reason. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you with that bitch now?”

“No, it was all a misunderstanding. I didn’t ever—”

“So, you didn’t lie to my sister? You didn’t receive sexy selfies from a random slut? You didn’t share her childhood trauma with a stranger? You didn’t skip out on an appointment foryour babyto help her? You didn’t kiss this bitch and lie about it to Haz?”

“Yes, all of that happened, but it was innocent. I didn’t cheat.”

“That is cheating,” he yelled. I’d never heard Sean yell. He was a chill guy. “All of that is cheating! You’ve got a fucking nerve to defend it.”

“I’m not defending it. I know I’m in the wrong. I’ve tried to talk to her but—”

“Innocent? Didn’t cheat? That’s defense, you c*nt.”

Ouch. He never used that word.

“I don’t know what to say or do, Sean. I fucked up; I know it. I’m trying here but she won’t speak to me.”

“Then respect what she wants. I’m not ringing to intervene. I’m certainly not ringing to help you. I rang to tell you to fuck off, fuck off again, and fuck off once more. You mess with my sister again, or try to approach her when she’s not ready, I’ll fucking kill you.”

He hung up.

Sean and I had a great relationship. He was more like a friend than a brother-in-law, and now he hated me. I didn’t cheat, though. A woman threw herself at me, and I reacted appropriately. I would own everything else. I’d lied. I’d hidden things that I knew were inappropriate. But I’d never done anything physically. I had to talk to Haz to make her understand. This was getting all blown out of proportion, and the longer it went on, the more irreparable it seemed, and the more everyone seemed to think I’d done something irredeemable. I hadn’t had an affair; I hadn’t even had a one-night stand or a single make-out session. I couldn’t say that though. I’d confess to JFK’s assassination at this point if it meant Haz would forgive me.

I’d been avoiding Mom’s calls all week. Haz and I were supposed to have dinner with her Sunday night, and I knew if I told her Haz was sick, she’d go into full caretaker mode and be at our house with meals and groceries. I was hoping that Haz and I would at least be talking by then, but it looked like I was going to have to confess to Mom. That wouldn’t be pretty. Dad was a relaxed guy and had always stayed out of most of the parenting. Mom was kind but could be a real hard ass in matters of respect. I know I was wrong, and I didn’t need a lecture from my mom.

Me: Haz, will you come to Mom and Dad’s with me on Sunday? Mom will be missing you and wanting to see if your bump has grown.

I don’t know why I was still texting. She never answered. I still texted her several times a day but was left on read every time.

Ping. My breath caught. She actually responded!

Haz: No.

Okay, it was one word, but it was more than I’d had for a week.

Me: Okay, no pressure. I hope you’re okay. Please let me know when your next appointment is. I know you’re having more now that you’re heading toward the finishing line.

Haz: No. If there is a scan, I’ll let you know. Your presence at check-ups is not required.

Me: I know it’s not required, but I want to be there. For you and the baby. I’m sorry I fucked everything up but please let me help you.

No answer. I guess that was an answer within itself. I wandered into the living room and flopped onto Mick’s sofa.

“I don’t know what to do. She barely speaks to me. I need to fix this soon. It’s not good for her to be so upset while she’s pregnant.”

“Well, maybe not cheating on her would have been a good idea,” Mick said, not taking his eyes off the football.

“I didn’t fucking cheat. I know I’ve done shitty things but I’m sick of being accused of cheating like I’m some kind of Bill Clinton.”

Mick turned to me.

“You’re exactly like Bill Clinton. You think not having ‘sexual intercourse with that woman’ is the mark of not cheating. I may be a dumbass tradie, but I know this much. You put effort and time into a woman who wasn’t your wife. You pushed your wife aside for her. You lied to your wife to cover your tail, so you obviously knew you were being a piece of shit. You deleted messages, even though they were apparently ‘innocent.’ Why? Have you ever deleted innocent messages from me? You continued to help this woman, even after you knew you’d crossed a line. You say she just kissed you, but people don’t do that. Never have I been randomly kissed by a stranger, even in a club. There’s pre-gaming. You talk to them. You get close. You open the door. In your case, you let a vampire in, butyouopened the door, and you need to own it. It’s cheating. Whether emotional or physical, you let Rose into your life into a space that should have been Haz’s alone. You ignored warnings, hers and mine. You scoffed at us, got angry with us. Whether you meant to or not, you gaslit her; hell, you gaslit me. You still haven’t even blocked that bitch,” He seemed to get angrier the more he spoke.

“You’re my best mate. I’m always here for you and I hope this works out for you but sitting here and making yourself a victim is not helping. You are not the victim. If you want to apologize and make things good with Haz, I’m all for it. But have a real fuckingthink about what you’re apologizing for, or it won’t mean a damn thing.”

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