Page 14 of Bed of Roses

“I want to save us, Haz. I’ll do counseling alone. All I ask is that I can be with you so we can work on it. I’ll come home and I’ll leave you alone except to help you with appointments and housework. We still have to do the nursery, I know you’ve been so excited about that.”

“The nursery is done,” I informed him.

He looked sad. So sad.

“How? Who helped you?” he asked.

“Sean. He came over and did most of the painting. Mick came and assembled all the furniture last week.”

“I wanted to do that with you, Haz. That was my job. I was looking forward—”

“No, you weren’t. You put me off at every opportunity. I’ve been planning this for months and you never even offered an opinion. The nursery is done, and I planned it all myself. This is my house, and if we don’t work,youcan planyour ownnursery at your place.”

He put his head in his hands. Was he crying?

“I fucked everything up. I know it. I just want a chance, Haz. Please. I’ll beg. I’ll do anything you want. I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I know my actions were cheating, but I didn’t know it at the time. I don’t say that to excuse myself, only to assure you that at no point ever was I unhappy with you or seeking someone else. I let myself be the helpful guy without stopping to think about what I was doing. Rose meant nothing. She means nothing. At this point, I think she might be a little crazy and I’m sorry for letting her into our lives.”

“I can’t think about all that. I’m trying to stay healthy, to relax as much as possible, and finish up at work. I have nothing to give you right now.”

“Please don’t say you’re not sure if you want to save us. We love each other, Haz. We’re worth saving. This baby iseverything to both of us. I want to be there for both of you, to give you both a happy life. If I have to save us on my own, I will. Just give me a chance,” he begged.

“I don’t know, Blake. For now, you can come to my appointments. You can talk to me about the baby, and we can plan things that need to be done before she arrives. But I don’t want to talk about the future. We can do that when the baby is born. Maybe you can come home and stay when the baby arrives, but just to help. I can’t keep relying on Belle and Sean,” I finished.

He paused, thinking about his options.

“Okay, I’ll do all of that. But I think I should come back home. Even if it’s just a few weeks before the baby arrives. You’re going to find it harder to do things, and someone should be here in case you go into labor.”

That seemed reasonable.

“Fine. You can come home when I’m 36 weeks. But we’re not playing happy families. We are two adults expecting a child and we need to learn to coparent. We’ll revisit the arrangement when the baby is a bit older and I’ve physically healed.”

I know he wanted more, but he held himself back from saying anything and agreed to my terms. Well, at least I could stop doing the laundry now.

Chapter 12. Blake - Delusions

Time was dragging. Haz was now 35 weeks, so I was excited about the thought of moving home in a week. Living with Mick was okay, but I wanted to come home. And I didn’t like the amount of time he spent atmyhouse. He was still doing things for Haz, which was nice of him, but they were the jobs I should have been doing. He was over there tonight doing some room changes. She was making changes to the layout of the living room so she could add a baby swing and bassinet, so he was there moving furniture. I don’t understand why she couldn’t just wait a week for me to do it when I moved in.

I’d done a lot of reading since Haz kicked me out on cheating, emotional and physical, and been forced to admit that I’d done both. Even though I didn’t initiate or continue the kiss, it was my fault that Rose had kissed me. I compared my treatment of Jacqui with my treatment of Rose and felt really uncomfortable. Rose was always so thankful, praising me and gushing about her gratitude. Jacqui was grateful and would send me off with a plate of baked goods, but she didn’t treat me like I’d slayed a dragon for her. I think my pride was flattered, and that was pathetic.

Mick walked in, dropping his tool belt on the floor next to the door.

“How is she?” I asked. My contact with Haz was still minimal, but that would change in a week.

“Not great, man,” Mick sighed. “She was in tears tonight. Your crazy girlfriend put a business card for a divorce lawyer in the letterbox. What the fuck were you thinking?” Great. I was going to get angry Mick tonight.

“Why didn’t she tell me? Why did she come to you about that?” I was getting angry too.

“She didn’tcome to me. She burst into tears when I walked in the door, so we talked a lot to help calm her down. This is your mess, Blake. Don’t make me the bad guy for helping clean it up.”

I felt like I’d been stabbed. Haz was upset and she’d turned to Mick. Is this what Haz felt like when she found those messages? It was a gut punch to realize that your wife had gone to someone else for something so emotional. That should have been me. I should never have turned to Rose.

“I should break my non-contact with Rose,” I said. “She can’t be upsetting Haz like this. I need to warn her off very clearly. I’m pretty sure she’s a sandwich short of a picnic.”

“Ya think?” Mick snorted.

“Don’t bother. It’s sorted. I knocked on Glenn Close’s door and told her to fuck off and stay away from Haz. Sorry though, I didn’t coddle Rose’s feelings like you would have.”

That made me angry. “Of course I would take Haz’s side over Rose. The bitch is crazy, and Haz is my wife.”

---