Page 16 of Bed of Roses

“Rose, I’ve been very nice about this. I accept this is my fault but I’m telling you now, with no niceties, there is no ‘we.’ Get off my doorstep and don’t ever come here or text either of us ever again. I don’t like you. I have no feelings for you other than annoyance. I’m sorry if I gave the impression we were more than friends. I’m sorry we were ever friends. I’m sorry I ever met you.”

Rose’s face hardened. Uh oh. Never piss of a psycho.

“Don’t say things you’ll regret Bear.”

“I won’t regret this. I only regret being nice to you. Get the fuck off my property.”

She burst into tears and fled across the road. I note she didn’t go to Jacqui’s. Obviously Colin’s appetite wasn’t the pressing issue she made it out to be.

Blake turned guiltily to face me.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he said softly.

I snorted.

“Whatever.” I went back to the change table. This was exactly why I couldn’t stay with Blake. My memory was too long, his actions too painful. He’d ruined the lead up to the birth of our baby. He’d ruined my sense of security and happiness. The thought weighed heavily on me as I considered my future. Our future.

Chapter 14. Blake – The gas company

Haz was now 39 weeks. Our lives were mostly peaceful, but silent. Rose hadn’t shown her face since banging on our door that day, but her nearness made me tense. The fact that Haz had to see her sometimes when she left the house at the same time flushed me with new shame every time it happened. I saw her too, but she made no move to talk to me or come near me. Hopefully she’d received the message loud and clear.

I was still working but had reduced my hours. Mick was picking up the slack and I was so grateful to him. The man was a machine and had supported me so much lately, even if I didn’t deserve it. Haz was beginning to let me do more things for her, though that was probably due to the fact that she could barely move rather than any thawing of her anger.

I was unstacking the dishwasher when she wandered into the kitchen. Even walking put a grimace on her face now. She swore this baby was enormous, but at the last appointment, the obstetrician described Baby Evans as “reasonable sized,” whatever that meant.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

“Of course,” I said, wiping my hands on my sweats and gesturing her into the living room. The fact that she asked if she could talk to me meant she was about to say something serious. I was under no illusion that she was about to forgive me, though I did have flickering hope that this may be the case. We sat on the sofa.

“I’ve been thinking about the birth, and I do want you there,” she stated.

Relief flooded through me. We hadn’t outright talked about the birth and I hadn’t dared ask. I assumed that maybe I would make her feel uncomfortable, and while I would do anything tomake her feel safe, the thought of missing my child’s birth was heartbreaking.

“I’m so glad, Haz. I promise, I’ll be the most supportive birth partner ever,” I promised.

“I know. And I can see you’ve been trying. This doesn’t mean anything for us though. I’m a hormonal tornado right now and I’ve intentionally stopped myself thinking about us for now. We’ll talk after the baby is born. But I don’t want to deny you the chance of being there, and I want our baby to grow up knowing their daddy was there.”

She was so gracious. I knew Rose made her feel uncomfortable, even scared. I’d spoken to a buddy of mine on the police force about a restraining order for Rose. She’d done nothing violent or threatening but she was obviously delusional. I decided to keep a close watch on her and at the first sign of any trouble, I’d hit her with an order.

“Thank you, Haz. I know you’ve got no space to talk about us right now and I understand that. You know I’ve been seeing a counselor and I’m more than ready to take ownership of my actions. I know they hurt, and I know I was stupid. So stupid. We’ll talk when you’re ready.”

She smiled tiredly. “Deal. I just want this baby to be born already. I can’t imagine how I’ll be if I go past the due date. I’m ready!”

Sean was tolerating my presence but was not overly warm toward me. He visited when he wasn’t away for work but spent most of his time chatting to Haz. I’m pretty sure the only things he’d said to me were “Hi,” “Bye,” and “No thanks” when I offered him a coffee. Mick dropped by to visit and update me on work issues but also spent time with Haz. Belle was another hostile visitor, though she was warmer than Sean. She took her direction from Haz, who was civil toward me.

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The next day, I was expecting an important delivery. I’d ordered Haz a voucher for a day spa for after the baby was born, and rather than just printing the e-voucher, I’d asked for the fancy, gold-stamped card to be delivered.

There it was! I planned to give this to her a few weeks after birth, or whenever she was allowed to submerge herself in water. I had no clue about whether women could bath after birth; I’d leave that to Haz. There was another envelope in there. It had my full legal name printed on the front in pen, with a crudely drawn gas company logo in the upper left corner. It had no stamp.

I ripped it open, with a sinking feeling in my gut.

Dear Bear,

I obviously can’t come to your house anymore or ring you since Harriet has forced you to shut me out, so this is the only way I can reach you. If Haz sees this letter, tell her it’s from the gas company. We need to talk. How can we move past this if we can’t talk? I need you, Bear. You know the connection we shared. How can we just let that go? I fully accept that you’re about to have a baby, and I promise to love him or her like they were my own. They’ll never feel any different to our children. I love kids and am all for big, happy families.

If it’s too risky for you to visit me, you could write me back and leave it in my letterbox. When Haz is in hospital, you can visit. I know Dad accidentally told Haz about us last time, but he’s really unwell now. Barely even speaks, so he isn’t a threat to us.

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