Page 38 of Running With Lions

They go through their usual catch-up; Lily carries most of the conversation. He hasn’t got much to say. Her voice is enough until she says, “Something’s on your mind, Bastian,” and he considers belly flopping into the lake and drowning so he’ll never have to admit to her how screwed up he is.

“It’s nothing.”

“Sebastian William—”

Oh, shit. Lily only uses his middle name when he’s on the verge of pissing her off beyond repair.

“It’s no biggie, Mom. It’s just—our first game against the Spartans is so soon.”

She hums. “Your mortal enemies.”

Sebastian does a pretty great job at holding in his sigh. “I’m nervous; it’s a big deal. We need to beat them.” His feet kick up a splash; sunlit, golden droplets ripple the lake’s surface.

“Well, sweetheart,” Lily says, “win or lose, what’s the most important part?”

“Kicking ass and winning the championship.”

Lily has always been blasé about his swearing, thanks to Carly, who has pulled enough outrageous stunts and brought home enough questionable boyfriends for Sebastian to get a pass. “It’s aboutyou,” she says, her tone serious. Sebastian quickly sobers. “This has been your dream, right? Making the team. Having this journey.”

“Yeah.”

“And now you’re the best goalie in the conference—”

“I’m not the best.”

“Whatever,” Lily says with an almost audible smile. “The nerves are normal.”

But what about the pressure of keeping everyone in line? Figuring out his life’s aspirations? Also, these weird prickly feelings about his ex-best friend? Of course, he doesn’t mention any of that to her, but they’re recurring nightmares.

Maybe someone should create new hashtag: “Life’s complicated, but so is math.”

Lily talks randomly about his dad, the family dog, Thor, and her garden. She brings up school, and he sneakily avoids the topic because,no way, he doesn’t have the strength for a discussion about college. Sebastian isn’t ready for the reality of being an adult: earning a degree, starting a family, and living the dreams his parents have for him.

Lily says, “It’ll all work out.”

He can’t help but reply, “That’s what you’re supposed to say.”

“Well, it’s true!”

“You can’t prove that.”

“I don’t need to, Sebastian William, I’m your mother.”

Sebastian lets the subject die. He’s already pushed her far enough and he doesn’t want to ruin the moment.

“Maybe if you find a nice girl, who’s not Sam, you might stop being such a pest,” Lily says, half laughing, half hopeful.

He should tell her. Hands down, being bisexual is the one part of his life Sebastian hasn’t had tothinkabout. It’s also the one thing he hasn’t had to be great at, not the way he’s had to try to be a good friend, to be a perfectionist on the pitch, to make an impact.

It’s scary, coming out to his parents. When it comes to being anything other than straight, it seems there’s a fine-print clause: a penalty for full disclosure when you belong to the LGBTQ community. Sebastian doesn’t get it. It shouldn’t matter if he falls for a girl or boy. Love is supposed to be a happy, comforting emotion, but it always comes with conflict. And being anything but straight means making these huge declarations to the people closest to you.

Why is coming out to loved ones like giving a speech in your campaign for President?

“Bastian?”

He chokes. His parents won’t hate him for who he is, but he’s not certain they’ll understand him either. “Yeah, Mom,” Sebastian stutters. “Maybe I will find someone.” And the rest, he keeps to himself.

Sebastian stares at the screen after they hang up. He stands, feeling lighter than before. He jogs back to his cabin.

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