Page 113 of The Summer of Everything

“Is this about me?” It takes every ounce of confidence and maybe a little bit of fear for Wes to ask the question. He’s prepared if Nico just likes the quote. It’s the kind of thing people get tattooed on their bodies. A love token of dark ink and years of heartbreak to follow when that person disappoints them.

“Possibly,” Nico replies.

“Possibly?” There’s that doubt Wes has been expecting.

Then the laugh lines around Nico’s mouth deepen. “It’s about you.”

That’s all it takes. It’s the incentive Wes needs to go for it. He curls his hand around the nape of Nico’s neck. He steps into Nico’s space. Nico stands on his tiptoes to meet him halfway. Their lips find each other, clumsily at first, but then with the right amount of pressure. Nico’s mouth parts. Wes tests his boldness with his tongue against Nico’s teeth.

Their first kiss is sticky and sugary and un-freaking-forgettable.

There’s nothing different about Wes’sbedroom.

His cap and gown are still on the desk chair. Posters layer his walls. His shelf of Funko Pop figurines is untouched. His dad’s jersey is pinned next to a UCLA pennant. Spider-Man pajamas are kicked in a corner.

All the things he’ll begin packing up next week.

Well, except for the shirtless Nico sitting on the edge of Wes’s bed. Wes wishes he could pack him too. But, for now, he focuses on Nico’s curious expression and artificial lights from outside streaming through his window and the way his heart jumps as if it’s about to O.D. on anticipation.

They’d casually discussed continuing their date past frozen lemonades.

Wes suggested the loft. Then his bedroom. Nico grabbed Wes’s hand. And their eyes said everything else: “Yes.” “I want to.” “We can take this slow; no pressure.”

Now his bedroom door’s locked. The interior lights are off. Wes didn’t ask, but thankfully Nico was bold enough to tug out his wallet and pull out a shiny foil package. A condom. A preemptive measure if things escalated.

To be honest, Wes still isn’t sure he wants things to escalate. But he’s okay with Nico’s preparedness. He’s okay with the option.

Nico pats the spot next to him on the bed.

Wes struggles out of his own shirt, drops it, then eases down next to Nico.

“This is chill,” Nico says. His hands are clenched in his lap, as if he’s afraid to touch.

“It is,” Wes agrees. He runs a hand over his curls. Grains of sand meet his fingers.Ugh, gross. He should’ve showered before this.

This. What isthis? What are we going to do?

As if sensing Wes’s indecision, Nico quickly says, “We don’t have to do anything. At all. We can just talk.” His eyes search around the room. “Here. I can put my shirt back—”

Wes cuts him off with a kiss. Well, anattemptat a kiss. His lips smack Nico’s jaw. But he finds his way up, sealing Nico’s words behind his teeth. He really likes kissing Nico.

He also appreciates that Nico knows Wes’s stance on sex and isn’t willing to pressure him into anything. He values Wes’s beliefs. He’s willing to sit in a darkened room, fully clothed, and talk. It’s one of the six million things Wes loves about Nico: they can talk and talk, and nothing has to come of it. No epiphanies. No final destination. Nothing. They can be themselves.

“And if I want to?” Wes asks against Nico’s mouth.

Nico slowly leans back, eyes scanning. “We could.”

Wes doesn’t tell Nico, but he has a bottle of lube.Masturbation is very healthy, thank you,online doctors. It’s there, in his computer desk drawer. Wes is also criminally bad at establishing bulletproof hiding places.

“But, like.” Nico sighs. “Sex is great…”

System malfunction.

In a very tactical decision, Wes has never once asked Nico how many partners he’s had. He’s been aware his brain is not capable of handling that kind of confidential information since that day at the skatepark. He should know Nico’s history, especially if they’re going to do anything. He needs to know if Nico’s been tested. All the essentials. But Wes doesn’t want the other details: Who? When? Was it any good? What does Wes have to live up to?

Yes, that’s a thought. Comparison, on any level when it comes to people, is inevitable. It’s so ingrained in human psychology that Wes isn’t going to pretend he doesn’t worry about it.

“… but it doesn’t have to happen,” Nico continues. “It shouldn’t be the endgame.”

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