Page 109 of As You Walk On

“I haven’t posted it yet,” she admits.

I press play.

Makayla’s in the same setting: her bedroom. Most of the background accessories are stripped away. No fairy lights. Books out of view. Early morning sunlight washes over her bare face. She sits cross-legged, smiling in the beginning of the video while introducing herself and what she’s about to discuss.

I can feel her nerves through the screen, but I keep watching.

Two minutes in, she’s crying but still laying it all out there.

The messages and comments on her posts. Social gatherings she’s avoided unless she knew she’d have at least three other girls with her the whole time. The whispers at school. Adults who’ve spent more time commenting on what she wears than what’s happened to her. Friend after friend who preferred to low-key slut-shame her in the name of a joke rather than stand up for her when it mattered.

Four minutes and ten seconds in, the sting against my eyes is unbearable.

She mentions the guys who swore they were “the good ones” but never bothered to check other boys who targeted her or anyone else.

I’m shaking.

By the end, Makayla’s listing resources. Help lines. Web pages. She’s smiling again, even with a red nose and tear tracks on her cheeks.

When the screen goes black, I can barely swallow. Listening to her tell the story at the party was rough. But this... it aches in a brand-new way.

“Makayla,” I say, choked. “I’m sorry.”

“Pro tip, Theo,” she says, taking back her phone. “If you want to apologize to someone, tell them exactly what you’re sorry for. Name it. Own it. Or don’t say it at all.”

I nod, hands trembling against my thighs.

I feel shitty about not being able to name it like she said. But I regret so much. One day, I hope I can give her the real apology she deserves.

She smiles sadly. “Thank you anyway.”

“I can’t tell you whether to post it or not,” I begin, gesturing to her phone, “but I’ll support you either way.”

The corners of her lips wiggle. She exhales, a genuine Makayla Lawrence grin appearing in the aftermath.

“Enough of that.” She finally hooks her phone into the ring light. Grabs a small remote. “You’re here to help me with this Book Boyfriend tag. Can’t believe I’m going on main so everyone can see the... um.”

“Real you?”

She wrinkles her nose, nodding.

“I’ve seen worse versions of you.”

After punching my shoulder, she drops a stack of books in my lap. “Sit there and look pretty while we talk about books.”

Before she starts recording, Makayla twists to face me. “Hey. I’ll help with the Luca thing,” she says sincerely. “But I need you to help with someone else’s dare first.”

I squint curiously.

“River.”

I don’t even hesitate to reply: “Bet.”

•••

“I can’t believe I’ve never tried this!”

“Dope, right?” I say, dunking a red straw into my white Styrofoam cup.

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