Page 12 of As You Walk On

Darren inherited his iron stomach from his mom.

I really love his parents. Professor Jacobs, Darren’s dad, heads the African American and Africana Studies department at the University of Kentucky. His mom, Mrs.Jacobs (née Ishikawa), is a retired book illustrator. They both have this dry humor that I appreciate. Also, they’re a family of success stories. Even Darren’s younger sister, Connie, is a district spelling bee champ. She’s eight.

“What about you?” I point at his haircut, deflecting like a pro. “Who’re you trying to impress?”

“Oh, go to hell.” He laughs, cheeks rosy.

Darren’s fully focused on two things: school and track. By choice, not from parental pressure like Jay and me. But another commonality we share sans Jay is our ability to crush and not date.

I mean, I’vehadrelationships. There’s Jayla. And I made out with a boy from an opposing track team under the bleachers once. Okay, twice. Great kisser, even better at ghosting me when we finished.

Darren’s never had a girlfriend. He’s still a virgin, which isn’t bad by any means. I’m still one too.

Jay practically texted usduringhis first time. He spared no details when we finally saw him in person.

“I’m not trying to impress her,” Darren admits, chugging his glass of water.

Theheris senior cheerleader Makayla.

“Jay’s been on me to ask her out,” he continues, staring into his steaming bowl. “To finally...you know.”

Get laid?I don’t need to say it. Jay’s always playing wingman for Darren. His pep talks usually involve one of Jayla’s friends and sex. “It’s the best, D, I swear,” he’ll say, an arm around Darren’s shoulders. “Just try it.”

That’s the kind of person Jay is—someone who, once they’ve found something they like, wants everyone in their life to love it too. It’s worked on us before.Fortnite, pizza with ranch dressing, James Cameron movies.

But the sex thing... I don’t know.

Iwantto. My phone has enough incognito tabs open to confirm I’d probably enjoy it. Thing is, Jay’s never tried to persuade me the way he does Darren. Sometimes, I wonder why it’s like that. Why he never asks about boys I like. It’s not until after I’ve volunteered the information that we discuss it.

But I’m not supposed to wish he’d ask about my sex life, right? To treat me like he does Darren? It’s just the way guys talk sometimes. No big deal. Jay’s not purposefully leaving me out... is he?

“You don’t have to go through with it if you don’t want to,” says Darren as he spoons up more ramen. “The dare.”

Ah, shit. Being caught up in my own head gave him the upper hand.

I shrug.

None of us have ever reneged on a dare. Even the gross ones. I can’t be the first.

“I want to go to prom with Christian.” I shake my head with a tiny smile. “It’s just that...”

Darren leans on his elbows, waiting. I almost tell him. The words tickle the roof of my mouth. Darren’s the same guy who, on the way here, offered me his notes on the Cold War for my US History 2 class because he took that course last semester. Who, just last week, told me about the time he cried over his favorite Disney Channel star getting engaged. We’re thoughtful dorks like that.

I want to discuss how hard it is being the only queer dude in our trio. How the prom thing would make me feelnormal. Then I think about Darren’s reaction when he realizes I’ve kept this secret from him. That I second-guessed our friendship. I didn’t trust him with this part of me.

“It’d be really nice,” I whisper instead of explaining, barely holding on to my smile.

“Definitely.” Darren looks like he might ask more but doesn’t. “If you fail, we’ll have your back. Whenever one of us crashes and burns, we all take the fall. We’ll be right there with you at practice, MVH gear and all. TNT forever.”

It’s true. This is us. Maybe Jay’s right. If we all show up in MVH apparel, Coach’ll think it’s a joke. She wouldn’t bench three of her star runners.

Sure, she came close to beating Mountainview her senior year.Rumor has it, at that final meet, an MVH student trashed Brook-Oak’s locker room, tagging the benches with some choice (see: racist, classist) words in black spray paint. Mentally, it took Coach Devers out of the competition. She tripped during the hurdles finals, finishing fourth. But that’s the past.

Maybe she’s forgotten all that?

Darren offers me a fist bump. “Always here for you, Theo.”

“Th-thanks,” I choke out, tapping his fist. We share a grin. “But I’m going to prom on Jay’s dime.”

---