Page 50 of As You Walk On

My hand trembles, ears burning.

No, it’s not porn. It’s Duke’s website. Dad and I were exploring theTHINGS TO DOoption. He wants us to visit the campus in the fall. Another reminder I need to come out on the other side of tonight with a W.

I open a new tab, not bothering to close out Duke’s page. I’m that guy who has dozens of tabs open at once, always telling myself I need each of them. Like closing out just one means I’ll never get it back.

My search is pretty basic:

How to ask a boy to prom.

Thirty-two million results. Otherwise known as too many options for a boy chilling in a tween’s bedroom on a Saturday night.

Seventeen.Teen Vogue. Pinterest. All the usual suspects fly across the screen as I scroll. Each oneveryheteronormative.

My eyes flick up to Luca. He’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, full attention on the group. Warm brown cheeks flushed. His hair is pushed off his face by a thin, yellow headband. Another stolen article from the Museum of Maddie Campbell. In his lap is my forgotten toy crown. It looks a little like a prom court crown, in all its plastic glory.

I wonder if he used any of these resources for Devya’s promposal. A brief flash of his face when Makayla mentioned her name glazes my vision. Between that and his phone’s wallpaper, it’s clear where his head is at.

Deleting my previous search, I key in a new one.

How to ask a boy to prom if you’re queer.

Specificity matters, I remind myself.

Twenty million less results, but worthy, respectable sources. BuzzFeed and Reddit and... Okay, I’m not diving down a Quora rabbit hole to ask Christian out. Some lines aren’t worth crossing.

I skim the articles. Click through photos. Bypass the ad-filledvideos because I’m without my earbuds and don’t want the others to know what I’m doing.

“We need drinks!” announces Makayla.

Confused, I ask, “For what?”

“If we’re staying here”—Makayla pauses to fluff her hair until it has more volume than when she arrived—“I need alcohol and mixers to go along with this prime stash.”

I look down. There’s a magical snack spread across the Monopoly board: trail mix, various candies, small bags of chips, pop-top plastic cups of mini-cookies, granola bars. River keeps adding more items to the pile. The depths of their bag are limitless.

As if sensing my weird gaze, they explain, “You don’t have an emergency snack kit?”

“Forgot mine at home,” I tease.

“What goes good with... beef jerky?” Aleah’s face scrunches. “Vodka?”

“Beer, probably,” offers Luca.

“We need booze ASAP,” Makayla confirms. She hip-bumps Luca. “Coming with?”

He hesitates, biting his bottom lip.

“Come on,” begs Makayla. “We made a deal.”

What is with them and this deal?I want to ask.

“I know. It’s just...” His words trail off.

Across the room, our eyes meet. His are wide. Mine are squinted to match my crinkled brow. A strange quiet sits between us. Neither of us knows what the other is saying with their stare. Of course not. This isn’t me and Darren. Why would I expect Luca to understand what I’m trying to ask?

“Isn’t this your chance to talk to Devya? Find out why she was looking for you?”

I don’t mean for my words to come out so accusatory.

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