Page 59 of As You Walk On

I sniffle quietly. My feet swing back and forth while I swipe through old photos. Sporadic tears wet my cheeks. I scrub them away as quick as they fall.

There are now three versions of Jay living rent-free in my head:

The frowny one near the pool.

The quiet one who didn’t defend me at SpeedEx, but who I want to believe would’ve in any other situation.

The Jay from the Throwback Thursday post I’m staring at.

It’s from the day we found out we’d made the track team. Jay was a no-brainer since he’s always been fast. Darren made a strong case for himself during tryouts. I’d just made the cut. Funny thing is, I remember Jay’s reaction after my name was called. He caught me in one of those smothering bear hugs, lifting me off my feet. I screamed and he hollered and Darren pounced on us, laughing.

All I could hear was Jay’s elated, “Holy shit, we’re doing this together!” like he wanted to cry.

A light knock startles me. “Theo?”

The door gently eases open as I wipe another tear from my cheek.

“Hey?” Luca bites his lip. “Okay?”

I clear my throat, nodding. “Incredible.”

“Anyone ever tell you that your lying is abysmal? Like, one-star, will-not-be-recommending-to-my-friends bad?”

A smile tickles my lips. “Anyone ever tell you to wait for an invitation before entering a room?”

He leans against the now closed bathroom door. Genuine concern encircles his eyes. Considering the way we left things, it’s startling.

After a beat, I say, “I thought you were pissed at me?”

“Theo, I have two younger brothers and a six-year-old sister.” He smiles. “We fight constantly. Literally, just this morning. We had a blowout about bathroom time.”

I wonder if he takes extra-long showers like me. With that many siblings, maybe mornings are the only time he can properly “clean” himself? I bite my lip to hold in a laugh, but something in the way my shoulders shake must give me away.

He flips me off, chuckling softly. “Don’t go there. Grudges aren’t my thing. I’m a Libra.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

He gasps theatrically. I can’t stop the laugh as it flies from my mouth. He waits until I’m quiet again before motioning to the gap between us.

I like how Luca asks for permission to step closer.

I slide over so he can join me on the countertop. We drift into silence. It’s far from awkward. More like a thing we share. I like that too.

“Sorry I’ve been shitty tonight,” I whisper, turning my phone over and over in my hands.

“I’m not complaining.” He winks.

“In my feelings, I guess.”

“You’re allowed.”

Our thighs are pressed together. We’re shoulder to shoulder too. The warmth extends all the way into my face. Having a friend like Darren, personal space is something I abandoned long ago. But it’s different with Luca.

I don’t know how, but it is.

“I unloaded a lot of things about my family earlier,” he says, tipping his head back against the mirror. Without the headband or sunglasses, his hair flops onto his brow. “But I really do love them. How could I not? My sibs drag me out of bed every single Saturday to play Xbox or build Lego structures.”

He swipes through a few photos on his cracked phone screen. The entire Ramírez brood assembling a re-creation of the Death Star.

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