Page 60 of As You Walk On

I glance down at myLast Jedishirt. He does too, mouth twitching.

“My tías taught me to cookandthrow a punch!” He snorts into his palm.

“And these—” He holds up both hands, wiggling the fingers with rings on them. “Family gifts.”

Luca explains each one to me: the plain silver band with scratches from old age on his left thumb belonged to his grandfather. A crying-heart signet on his ring finger is from his favorite cousin. Interconnecting silver hearts on his left index finger from his mom.

As I tentatively brush my thumb over the metal, he says, “It’s a reminder: ‘All things are possible with someone you love.’ That’s what my mamá told me.”

My eyes flicker to his face as I continue to trace the last ring.

“I’m not giving them a pass for what they say about my queerness.” He frowns. “Family, friends, relationships—all of it’s complicated. They do foolish shit. We do too. No one’s above fucking up.”

I think about Jay.

Is that all the dare was? Something silly between friends? I can be furious, but I’ll have to forgive him, won’t I? We have too much history.

Warm, damp skin touches mine. Luca’s turned his hand over in mine. My fingers skim his sweaty palm. He doesn’t pull away. Silently, we’ve established new boundaries.

“Would you—” I stop when my throat constricts. Considering Luca’s been spilling his guts on the regular, I don’t know why the question I want to ask feels so personal. It takes a second to speak again. “Would you ever forgive Devya? For what happened yesterday? Or what she said when you broke up?”

He stares at me, brow knit. “What makes you think I haven’t?” He bumps my shoulder. I lean into him as he says, “I don’t hate her. I didn’t completely believe she’d say yes, anyway. It was a gamble.”

A big one, I think, my index finger drawing circles across the belly of his palm.

“My feelings are... complicated.”

That word again. It’s the same for me and Jay. Darren too. He hasn’t responded to the texts I’ve sent since I first started sulking in here. I’m not even on read, which presents two possibilities: his battery is dead or he’s drunkenly hooking up with someone.

Most likely the former.

“Why’d you ask that?” Luca says.

My shrug is automatic. I almost lay out the whole Jay and Christian dilemma to him. But despite us virtually holding hands, I’m not on that level with Luca yet.

“Research purposes,” I reply, smirking.

His laugh comes out sharply, like he wasn’t expecting it.

Staring into those dark brown eyes, it’s impossible not to want what I thought I had out by the pool. The Christian thing is still tragic, a little less painful now, but I want the dream that sits like mist above my head. My Big Gay Night at Prom.

“Whatever you’re ‘researching,’ ” he says, adding exaggerated air quotes to his last word, “I hope you know it doesn’t have to be anything like my situation. Don’t get me wrong, if I ever prompose to anyone again and it ends like that, I’ll be sure to burn it all down.”

My laugh echoes loudly.

“Just do you,” he insists, smiling. “Good or bad, it’s your life.”

It’s my life. Too bad it hasn’t felt that way, at all.

“For what it’s worth,” I start to say, letting our shoulders brush, “your promposal was really sweet.”

Luca doesn’t instantly respond. He blinks slowly. Did I say the wrong thing again? Then he reaches out and twists my left nipple through my shirt.

“Ow!”

“How are you so bad at lying?” he huffs.

“It’s true!”

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