Page 72 of As You Walk On

Arms crossed over her chest, she waits. She wants more.

Sighing, I say, “We were at Kroger. Two weeks after the breakup. You were there too. With your dad, I think.” My breaths are shallow, painful inside my lungs. “The look on his face when he saw you—it was like he was looking at a ghost. He had tears in his eyes. I couldn’t handle it.Hecouldn’t handle it.”

“So... you tossed me aside.” It’s not a question.

“No.” I hesitate, rubbing the back of my neck. “Yes, but not like that.”

“Like what, then, Theo?” Aleah snaps. “How do you call afriendwho did nothing wrong to tell them you don’t want to see them anymore? That you’d moved on.”

“I—”

“And then you ignore their existence. Never look their way. How is that not tossing them in the trash?”

Luca shifts next to me when I plead loudly, “My pops is all I had!”

“You had a fucking friend!”

It’s true. I had Aleah. I had Jay. By then, Darren was in the picture too. But Granny was gone. Every day I went home, the only person waiting for me was Dad. I never felt less important to him. Like I had to compete with Mario in the picture. But after Granny died and Mario left, I don’t know. I became hiseverything.

I just wanted him to know he was mine too.

“You don’t understand,” I whisper.

Fuck. I never wanted to do this in front of an audience. Never wanted six pairs of eyes watching me sniff and stutter over words as I explain what a total asshole I’ve been.

“No,” Aleah argues. “This isn’t about your dad. Or just you. A friendship has two people.”

“I know, I know.”

“You clearly don’t.”

The hairs on my forearms stand up. My body knows the next question before she asks it.

“Was your dad and Uncle Mario’s relationship the only reason we were friends?” Her voice catches, but there are no cracks in her stiff expression. No tears brimming in her eyes like mine.

“N-no!” I swallow. “It wasn’t.”

But was it? Is that all my closest relationships are? An extension of one of Dad’s relationships? Aleah and I met because of Dad and Mario. Mrs.Scott and Dad’s friendship created the one I have with Jay. Every piece of who I am in this city is because of Miles Wright.

Maybe it really is time to leave.

Maybe I should be like Makayla—ready to start over somewhere free of the things Dad broke and ended and left me to carry on with.

“You believe me, right?” I ask Aleah.

A hard eye roll is the only answer I receive.

In every one of those dreams, I’d tell her what I did wrong. The things I told my pops so he’d stop asking where she was. Not having the guts to talk about what was going on with Dad in person. She’d think it over. Nod along, like she understood. Like she’d never want Mario to hurt the way Dad did. We wouldn’t hug, but she’d forgive me.

She wouldn’t look at me like she does right now.

Like I’m not even worth hating.

I’m nothing to her.

“You two couldn’t be friends at school?” asks River.

“We were twelve,” I say, almost exasperated. “We didn’t even go to the same school.”

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