Page 77 of As You Walk On

He peers past me. I can tell when he clocks Luca and River. His left eyebrow arches, then curiosity pulls at his cheeks, which means he’s probably seen Makayla with us. The wrinkles around his eyes deepen and he sniffs, looking unnerved when he finds the final face in our group.

“What’s the deal, bro?” Jay says. “You’re making some questionable choices tonight.”

I’m not sure if it’s the alcohol, Jayla’s influence, or the real Jay talking.

“Could definitely make some better ones,” I comment.

He blinks, confused again.

It’s the same way he looked outside by the pool.

The dam that’s been threatening to break all night finallyreaches capacity. Anger races uncontrollably under my skin. How can he pretend to not know what I’m talking about? I never thought I’d get to this point with Jay. We’ve always pissed each other off over the smallest things, then got over it. It’s the cycle of friendships. But none of this feels small anymore.

“Theo, what the h—”

“Save it,” I interrupt. “I’m not gonna stand by while you shit-talk people who don’t deserve it. Not like you did earlier.”

“Wh-what?” His face flushes a deep pink. “What’re you—”

I cut him off again. “Cole. I heard him at SpeedEx,bro. The whole thing. You didn’t say shit to defend me.”

His silence is another cut down the center of my chest.

“It’s bad enough I let all the microaggressions pass. All the toxic bullshit.” I shiver thinking about the things I let go unchecked in the locker rooms. On the bus rides to and from meets. “But I’m not letting you slick drag Aleah just ’cause you’re Jayson fucking Scott, some untouchable commodity at Brook-Oak.”

“Where is all this coming from?” Jay’s voice breaks a little. He’s surprised. He leans closer, dropping his voice to ask, “Is this about the dare?”

Eyes are falling on us from everywhere. In my periphery, a crowd’s forming. I think someone’s phone is out. We’ll be a hashtag in no time.

“You knew damn well Christian had a boyfriend, didn’t you?” I hiss. My gaze bounces around the room. God, I hope Christian’s not watching.

Jay’s Adam’s apple bobs. “No.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t know.”

I squint at him. “I saw you two talking.”

“I was making conversation.” He laughs shakily. “You know me! I’m friendly!”

No. IthoughtI knew him. I thought Jay would always have my back. He’d never hide something hurtful from me. He’d never be what I was to Aleah—a coward.

“We were just... chatting,” he continues. “Swear I didn’t know before tonight.”

The air flees my lungs. My mind replays the end of his sentence. “What do you mean ‘before tonight’?”

Jay’s lips are a thin line, unmoving.

“Whendid you know?”

He stays quiet. Whispers around us are gaining volume. Crimson floods his skin, from his hairline to his collarbones.

“Fuck, Theo,” he exhales, trying to scoot closer. I step back. He holds up pleading hands. “I wouldn’t do that to you.” He runs a hand down his sweaty face. “I want you to be happy!”

I study him for a moment. Something’s not adding up. I don’t even care if he’s being honest at this point. This isn’t just about the dare.

Through my teeth, I ask, “Do you?”

“Bro.” He sighs, eyes on the ceiling. “Yes.”

When he stares at me, it’s the Jay from that throwback Instagram post. From freshman year. From more than a decade of friendship.

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