Page 92 of As You Walk On

“Uh.” I avert my eyes from Aleah’s stiff gaze. Force myself to focus only on the tiny crease between Luca’s furrowed eyebrows. “I have to do something.”

He blinks three times. “What? I thought you came here to—”

“Jay,” Aleah says before he can finish.

“Jay?” Makayla falls in next to Luca, hands on her hips. “Whatabouthim?”

Prickling heat attacks my face. Swallowing hurts. My brain scrambles for anything but the truth.

“Funny thing is—”Shit. I have nothing. There’s a growing knot between my shoulder blades. I finally say, “I agreed to a dare from Jay.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket. The screen barely lights up. My battery is at 8 percent. Power save mode has already kicked in, thankfully. I don’t answer Jay’s call, checking the time instead.

I’ve already lost three minutes standing here.

“So, you’re in the middle ofanotherdare?” Makayla shakes her head in disbelief. “From Jay?TheJayson Scott who royally screwed you over on the last dare? The same guy who—”

“That’s not him,” I interrupt, unable to soften the defensiveness in my tone.

“Oh? Who is he, then?”

I don’t have an immediate answer for Makayla.It’s complicateddoesn’t sound like enough. So many different versions of Jay occupy my head, but it’s the Jay from over ten minutes ago who stands out the most. The defeated one who reminds me of the boy from sleepovers at his house where he’d whisper about carrying around all his parents’ expectations. Never wanting to let them down.

I know what that’s like.

In fact, wealldo.

Isn’t that enough to overlook the other versions? Maybe that’s selfish. Maybe that’s what I hope Aleah sees when she looks at me. The Theo who broke her heart hoping it would mend his dad’s.

She huffs noisily. I guess not.

“I don’t have time for this.” Aleah holds up her phone. “Uncle Mario or not, my dad will kill me for being out until two a.m.”

“Okay,” I agree. “Then let me—”

“No, Theo,” she nearly shouts. “It’s a wrap. I’m done with the bullshit. Are you really going to choose Jay over us?”

“I’m not choosing.”

The sharp look in her eyes says otherwise.

“I’m not,” I repeat to Luca, my voice scratchy and low and foreign to my own ears. He doesn’t respond. Barely holds my gaze.

River clears their throat. “Maybe Aleah’s right.” Pale fingers pull at their bracelets. “It’s late. We should head to the cemetery before—”

“What’s the rush?” I groan, tugging at my hair.

But time is an issue. It’s ticking in my head. Bright descending numbers all headed toward zero. I need to go find Jayla.

You know that second before you say the wrong thing? When your brain intervenes, finally gaining control over your motor skills, and whatever fucked-up thing you were thinking never makes it out. It lives inside you forever, but at least no one heard you say something awful?

That doesn’t happen this time.

I say, “It’s not like Devaughn’s going anywhere” before my systems have a chance to shut my mouth down.

The change is instant. River flinches hard, like my words have slapped them in the face. Luca’s jaw drops. Makayla says, “Theo, what the fuck is wrong with you?” while Aleah pinches the bridge of her nose. My insides freefall all the way to my feet.

I turn to River. “I’m sorry.” Those two words, three syllables, seven letters aren’t enough. My voice trembles when I add, “I didn’t mean—”

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