Page 93 of As You Walk On

“No, you did,” Aleah interjects. “It’s so on brand for Theo Wright to say something like that.”

A million and one thoughts crash in my head. Test the firmnessof my skull with their impact. But the one that gets through is:She’s wrong about me.

I hope it’s not another lie.

“We still have time to go to the cemetery,” I tell River. “Let me finish this—”

“Aleah has a curfew,” River interrupts. “I do too. We should go home.”

“You can’t leave without me,” I say in a desperate attempt to hold them here. To keep this little world we created together. Even if I’m the reason it’s crumbling. I jiggle Makayla’s keys. “I’m the sober driver, remember?”

“Really?” Makayla hisses. “You’re holding sobriety over our heads now?”

“No,” I rush out. “I meant—”

“Meant what?” Luca asks lowly.

“I—” My attempt at something that doesn’t sound selfish and manipulative fails. What can I say? All I can follow up with is “Here.”

I toss Makayla’s keys into the air. Aleah expertly snatches them from the sky like the future WNBA star she is.

“I’m calling my sister.” River marches around Makayla’s SUV. Even hidden in the shadows, I can see their shoulders shaking like when they were crying at Waffle House.

That haunting image is replaced by Aleah, hip cocked, arms folded.

“I gave you a simple dare. How’ve you already failed?”

“I didn’t—”

“You did. All of this is about Jay. Or someone else. None of it is about you.”

“It is! I’m doing this for—” I pause.

Two cars drive by. The air is still fragrant with the burnt smell of fireworks. In the distance, a chorus of Rolling Tones’ voices serenades the night. They harmonize a creepy version of “Hide and Seek,” a song Darren obsessed over after watchingThe O.C.last summer.

I stare into the harsh orange light from a streetlamp.

I’m doing all of this for... me?

It shouldn’t be one of those fill-in-the-blank test questions I never get right. Yet, it is. And I don’t have an answer.

“Have you ever known what you wanted, Theo?” Aleah says.

Yeah, I want to tell her. A long time ago. It’s nothing but faded, discolored imagery in my head now. A memory so blurred, I can only make out the edges. I wish it was enough.

Truth is, it never has been.

“I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m not.” She laughs hollowly. “I’m not disappointed either.”

“Aleah,” I attempt, but she cuts me off immediately.

“Thanks, everyone! Tonight wasswell,” she says dryly, her glare pointed directly at me. “So much better than you pretending I don’t exist.”

She walks in the opposite direction River went.

“I’m gonna call us an Uber,” Makayla tells Luca. She swaps her keys for her phone. “Someone can bring me out here tomorrow to get my car.”

Before she’s too far, I call, “Makayla!”

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