Page 134 of I Think They Love You

Jamie holds up his hands, burrito and all, in the universal signofcalm the hell down. “I’m not defending him. Just pointing out things weren’t so black-and-white.”

“Fuck, I know. I was there.”

He plunks the shot glass into the Red Bull, chugging with minimal spillage. He wipes his mouth and says, “I wanted time, Jamie. I didn’t know what to do and he—” The alcohol burns in his chest. “He didn’t give me enough.”

Jamie flops dramatically onto the sofa. He squeezes his hand hard as Denz relives everything in vivid brightness.

Braylon told him six weeks before graduation. The job in London. Leaving after graduation. His whispered, “Will you come with me?” in the crook of Denz’s neck, like he was too shy to ask.

Like he already knew how big of a request it was.

Then, Denz’s brain unwound. The threads unraveled all the way back to OMC, his conversation with Emmanuel. Could he leave his family? His home? The future he was supposed to step into the second his graduation cap was tossed in the air?

His “Can I think about it?” was followed by weeks of Braylon hinting about London and Denz avoiding the topic. He had finals and essays. An entire family expecting him to come out of UGA with a diploma and a plan.

Was he good at anything besides being a Carter? Could he move to another city, anothercountrywith no fucking clue about how to survive? What if, six months down the road, the world discovered he wasn’t as great as everyone else in his family?

Four years of college and Denz still knew nothing about himself. But there was Braylon, who never made him feel like Denzel Carter, like his destiny was set in stone. Who made him feel…normal.

Could Denz leave everything behind for that?

Ten days before graduation, Braylon said, “I talked to my dad.”

And: “He said I shouldn’t stall my future waiting for someone to figure out theirs. I need to move on.”

And: “I made a decision. I’m going to London. Without you.”

And finally: “I love you so much, but I need to do what’s best for me. For you too.”

“I went into UGA so sure,” he tells Jamie, now. “I knew my major. My goals. That’s what you do, right? Spend every day dreaming about who you’re gonna be. Then, you get to college and you just…do it. You become that person.” He sniffles. “But I didn’t think I’d fall in love. That everything would change, and I’d have no idea how to manage what’s next.”

“But that’s the fun part,” Jamie assures him.

“I didn’t want to disappoint anyone,” Denz whispers. “Disappoint… him.”

“Denz, you haven’t.”

“Because he let me go before I could.” A bitter laugh wobbles in Denz’s throat. “Because I went right into working for my dad like a good son does.”

Jamie smacks his knee. “Stop talking about my best friend like that.”

Denz wipes his cheeks. Shit, when did he start crying?

“Braylon’s still here,” Jamie reminds him. “What if he wants you to come to California?”

“He doesn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he would’ve mentioned it!”

“Bro, he fucked up royally in the past,” Jamie says. “He made a big mistake. Big! Huge!”

Denz almost guffaws at thePretty Womanreference, but his tears prevent him.

“Maybe he’s scared?” Jamie suggests. “Just like you’re scared to admit you’re still in love with him.”

“I’m… not.”

---