“Providing care is…” Pausing, he considers his words. “A love language.”
“What if that was a hard limit for her?”
“Is it?” he asks.
“Is it what?” I question.
“A hard limit for your person?” he asks, refusing to continue my hypothetical conversation about his wife when it’s obvious to both of us that I’ve been talking about my own situation this entire time.
Blinking, my lips fall open, but no words come out. When Henry and I discussed limits, he said he was unsure of his, but that he agreed with all of my own personal limits. He never suggested that my control was an issue for him.
“What if he doesn’t know his limits?” I ask, realizing that I’ve just admitted that my person is a man.
“Did you ask him?” Knight asks simply, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“Well, no, but…”
“Anders, I’m a very controlled person. Control is the only way the world around me makes sense. I’m rigid, single-minded, and extreme in my convictions. I believe that my perfect doll will understand and embrace who I am, just like I intend to embrace who she is.”
“Have your past partners embraced who you are?” I ask a little tartly.
“I’ve never had a partner before,” he answers honestly.
“You’ve never been in a relationship?”
“No.”
“Have you dated? Had one-night stands? Fucked anyone?” I’m being an asshole, but he doesn’t call me on it. Instead, he shrugs.
“I’ve had sex, with both men and women, but no, I’ve never had a relationship until now.”
Scrubbing my face with my hands, I exhale. “What if she doesn’t embrace you?” I question. “What if who you are hurts her, damages her?”
“Anders, why do you believe your need for control would hurt him?” he asks bluntly, not bothering to hide behind pretense.
“My ex. We met at a club.”
“A…sex club?” Knight questions, his brow arched in curiosity.
“Yes. It was a BDSM club, and he was a submissive. We started off just doing scenes in the club, then we decided to start a relationship in the real world. We moved in together; we had a life together and then he broke it off. He told me the level of control I needed was abusive, that I’d abused my position ashis Dom.” My heart races as I admit my darkest secret and my biggest shame.
Knight’s expression is thoughtful, though not disgusted like I’d expected. “Did you hurt him physically?” he asks.
“No,” I yell. “Never.”
“Did you use money to control him?”
“No.”
“Did you isolate him from his friends and family?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Can you explain?” Pausing, he swallows. “The abuse.”
“I didn’t like him going to the club without me,” I admit.
“The sex club?”