Page 29 of Knuckle's Dispute

“What the fuck are you doing here this early, Knuckles?I’ve barely slept and now you’re waking me up.This better be life or death,” I growl at him, stepping aside so he can enter the cabin and get whatever is going on over.

“I’m here because we need to talk.And it could very well be a matter of life and death if we’re bein’ honest.Janessa, I got the results of the paternity test.I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” Knuckles says, pacing my cabin as I head for the kitchen to grab a water.“I know the baby is mine and there are things you need to know because it’s the reason I reacted the way I did when you told me.The sooner we have this conversation, the quicker we can move forward and figure everythin’ out.Together.”

“You couldn’t have come over here later in the day to do this shit?”I ask him, sinking down on the couch and waiting for him to stop pacing like a caged animal.“And stop pacing!That shit is driving me insane.”

Knuckles stops pacing and sits on the couch next to me.He’s so close, our legs are brushing against one another and I can smell the scent of his body wash mixed with a hint of leather and oil.It’s a smell I’ve missed since I was with him the last time even though I’m around the rest of the club members often enough.There’s just something different about this combination on Knuckles versus it being on anyone else.I take a deep breath and let my head fall back against the couch while trying to keep my eyes open since Knuckles seems to need to have this conversation now.Knuckles grabs my hands and holds them on his legs making me lean forward and into his body.

“This shit can’t wait, Janessa.When I was a baby, my parents decided they didn’t want to be a mom and dad so they dumped me at some government agency and left without another word.I grew up in foster care and it was the worst time in my life.I was beaten, bullied, barely fed, and went through every single horrible thing a person can go through.The only time I knew I’d have food is when I was at school because I got free lunch and breakfast.Not that I could always get there in time for breakfast.

“When I was fourteen, I was livin’ with a woman named Rose.She was the worst foster parent I ever had out of them all.And that’s sayin’ somethin’ since one of the foster homes the dad tried to rape all the girls they brought through the front door and beat all the boys to the point we required medical attention more often than not.Anyway, Rose is an alcoholic and often flew off into drunken rages over the slightest things.If you took a breath, she’d want to beat the hell out of you.At the age of fourteen, I was sitting in my room doin’ homework when she burst through the door and started screamin’ at me.Her face was so red, I thought she was about to have a heart attack or somethin’.Instead, she ended up tryin’ to set me on fire.

“Somehow I managed to get out of the house and ran away.I didn’t go far because there was nowhere to go.We were in the horrible part of town and crime happened every hour of every single day.However, I was livin’ on the streets and it wasn’t easy at all.Rose was visited the next day for a surprise inspection and they realized I was no longer livin’ with her.So, I know they stopped payin’ for me and that would have pissed her off.That’s when I finally moved farther away from Rose’s house because she was gettin’ karma and that was all I need to know.Especially since I know she’s livin’ in hell and her life is miserable.She no longer gets money from fosterin’ kids or anythin’.

“I started stealin’ anythin’ I could just to eat.At night, I spent my time in abandoned buildings just so I was out of the elements and away from anyone who would try to hurt me.That’s when I made the biggest mistake of my life which turned out to be a blessin’.I tried to break into Slayer Towin’ and Repair.Rooster caught me and that’s when my life finally started to turn around.

“Rooster gave me a room here at the clubhouse so I was off the streets.No one cared that I was only seventeen at the time.They saw a young boy in desperate need of guidance and a safe space to work through everythin’ I’d been put through in my life.Marie made sure I always had a hot meal in front of me no matter what else was goin’ on.I worked odd jobs while finishin’ high school and then takin’ some classes in order to become a personal trainer and coach.Boxin’ saved my life once I was here with the Dirty Slayers.

“I was so angry growin’ up and Rooster saw the rage fillin’ me.He got me signed up with one of his friends and I went to the gym every single day.I was a natural and my coach was impressed.He thought I could go professional, but that’s not what I wanted.I started fightin’ in some underground fights and that’s when I met Tease.He was an angry young kid like me and it didn’t take long for us to figure out we’re related.Tease is my best friend and cousin.While he didn’t grow up in foster care, our lives weren’t great at all.It bonded us together until we discovered the secret.He’s the only one here who knows every single detail of my life and that’s how it will always be,” Knuckles says, not looking at me as his grip on my hands becomes slightly tighter than before.

“Do you ever see anyone who was in foster care with you?I mean, have you ever checked in with them or anything?”I ask him, not sure what to make of the information he’s just dumped on me.

“There’s one girl.Her name is Mallory.We still get together once a month.After years of therapy I paid for, Mallory turned her life around and it’s like she never grew up in the foster care system at all.She’s married and has children of her own.Her husband worships the ground she walks on while she’s there every second for her kids.Every event is attended by Mallory and her husband.She’s buildin’ a life full of happy memories to replace the ones she had growin’ up.She’s literally the only one I’ve ever kept in touch with,” he answers me, his voice soft and gentle as a lone tear slides down his face.

“Knuckles, I’m sorry you’ve had to endure all the pain and suffering through your life.It helps me understand why you’ve treated me the way you have when it comes to the baby.Do, um, do you want to see him?”I ask him, removing my hands from his and twisting them in my lap because I truly have no clue where this is gonna go.

“I can see him?”he asks, looking up at me with fear filling his eyes as his face turns slightly pale.

“Of course you can.He’s your son, Knuckles.I named him Kaden, but he’s got my last name,” I tell him as we stand from the couch and I turn to walk into the bedroom.

“Kaden,” he whispers, following behind me until we’re standing next to the crib where our son sleeps.

I step back and let Knuckles lean over the crib to take a closer look at his son for the first time.My gaze takes in his every move as he slowly and carefully pulls back the blanket and lifts his little hand to count his fingers one by one.Knuckles runs a finger gently down Kaden’s cheek before removing his hand and simply looking down at him.

“He’s so small,” Knuckles whispers, his voice breaking as I look up at him with tears in my eyes at the sight before me.

This is something I’ve dreamed of since learning of the pregnancy, but never thought I’d see the day.I’ve been prepared from the very beginning to raise my child on my own without Knuckles.Now, I have no clue how things are going to go and it scares the fuck out of me.Knuckles has the power to change everything about my life in the blink of an eye and there’s not really much I can do about it.I won’t force him to be a dad to Kaden, but I sure as fuck won’t take our son away from him either.

“We need to talk, Knuckles,” I whisper, looking at him and turning to leave the room after covering Kaden up again.

Going back to the living room, we sit on the couch and I turn my body to look at him.For several minutes I do nothing but look at him and watch all the emotions flash through his eyes.It happens so fast I can’t figure any of them out.

“What do you wanna talk about, Janessa?”he asks me, shaking his head to clear the thoughts.

“Where do we go from here, Knuckles?Because this isn’t a game where Kaden’s concerned.He’s a child and if you choose to be in his life, then you have to be all in.You can’t come and go from his life based on a whim.Kaden deserves to have all of you or nothing at all,” I tell him, knowing this is something he already understands after the way he grew up.

“I know.I promise you right now that I’ll be there every fuckin’ day for him, Janessa.Kaden is my son and I’m not gonna be the stupid fuck who doesn’t take his life seriously.I want to be there for every single good and bad day the two of you have.For all of his memories and to guide him into the man he needs to grow into,” Knuckles says, his voice holding more than just the words he’s saying to me.He’s promising to be there for our son the way a father should be.

“Okay.Now, I need to get some sleep.I was up all night with Kaden and had just laid down when you knocked on the door.While he’s asleep now, I’m going to take a nap.You can sleep out here on the couch or you can join me in the room.I’m going to warn you now that Kaden gets up every two hours to eat.So, if you were planning on getting sleep at all, I wouldn’t stay here.I know you sleep light,” I tell him, not sure where this will go.

“I’ll sleep in your room.I told you I wanna be there for every aspect of Kaden’s life and that means gettin’ up in the middle of the night with him.Do you nurse or is he bottle fed?”he questions me, helping me off the couch and leading me by the hand into the bedroom.

“I nurse him.That’s what I plan on doing for now,” I inform him, my voice back to a whisper as I look at him and climb into bed closest to the crib.

“I’ll get up with you and help where I can,” Knuckles says as he strips down to his boxers and slides into bed next to me.

We’re not touching at all, but my body is more than aware of the man in my bed.Every move he makes, each breath he inhales, and the scent of him filling the room I’ve only occupied since moving in here.Closing my eyes, I try to relax enough so I can get a little bit of sleep before our son wakes up to eat once again.Instead, my body is highly aware of everything going on in the room, especially the bed, around me.This wasn’t a good idea at all!

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