Page 44 of A Touch of Royalty

29

ASSESSMENT

Emryn was being ridiculous, and she knew it. She wasn’t sure what to do about it, but she knew that matters of the heart were silly and that she was being stupid about the entire thing.

What did it truly matter if His Highness had a paramour? He wasn’t bound to her, wasn’t under any sort of obligation to care for her and since he didn’t, didn’t that free her to live her life the way she wanted to?

She had no idea what that looked like, but if he didn’t care for her, she had an obligation to care for herself.

Emryn just needed the pain to stop. Needed the nightmares where he laughed at her pain to go away. She wanted to know what and who she was now, but the pain of her ruptured hope was in the way.

Emryn dragged herself out of bed, knowing that she should have slept for far longer, and walked to her wardrobe. It was in an offshoot room and there was absolutely nothing in there that she could wear and not be immediately out of place in the lower city.

Every single one of these gowns was fit for her current status, but the issue there was that she didn’t want her status. She had to remain bonded to Cas, but that didn’t mean she had to stay here and watch him love another.

Emryn wiped at the tears on her face and jumped as the door opened.

“Emryn?” That was Cas and she strangled the urge to flee. He would see that she wasn’t in the room and then he would leave. “I know you’re here, Emryn. Please come talk to me?”

She could at least tell him goodbye. Let him know where to find her, even if she didn’t know where she was going.

Gripping her skirts in both hands, she walked out of the anteroom and back into the main room, where he was standing with a paper covered platter in his hands and pained hope in his eyes.

“I will be leaving, Highness.” She forced her voice to be steady. “I don’t know where I’ll go, but you’ll not have to hide the woman you love on my account.”

Cas plunked the platter down on the table and walked over to her. “Emryn, you- I want you to listen to me, please. Ruby means nothing to me. The only reason I was out there in the first place was because she said she had something to tell me.”

Emryn backed up as he approached until she ran out of floor and slammed into the wall. His hands came up, braced to either side of her head.

“While it’s true that we were lovers in the past, I haven’t had another in my bed since we married, Emryn, and you are the only woman I will have in my bed until we pass from this earth.”

She was crying again. Why was she crying as her heart tried to exit her body?

“Emryn, please,” he said, eyes still full of that painful hope. “We were just starting. Don’t let her ruin it.”

“I don’t-” she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I won’t prevail on-”

He was kissing her, his lips insistent and warm. Emryn let out a little squeak and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in when he would have let her go.

Cas pulled her close, lifting her from her feet. They were moving, and she didn’t know where they were going, but it also didn’t matter a terrible amount.

It was the couch in her sitting room. He lowered them both to the sofa and pulled her across his lap, never letting her lips go. Emryn wasn’t certain what was happening, but again, it didn’t matter a terrible amount.

His kiss was demanding, knocking every thought that she had from her head, demanding that she only focus on what he was doing. Cas had his fingers threaded into her hair, trapping her lips against his.

And then he let her go. “Can you hear me now, Emryn?”

She was panting a little, body tingling, every nerve alight with something that she’d never experienced before. She wanted to- but she couldn’t, he wasn’t for her.

Cas pulled her back in, kissing her again, softer this time. More like the kisses he’d shared with her before. Not the insistent one from before, and for some reason, Emryn was mourning the lack.

Cas pulled back again. Leaning his forehead against hers. “Emryn, please?”

“Cas?”

He wrapped her in his arms again and she curled into the warmth, trying to find the will to push away. But the will wasn’t there. She wanted to stay here, wanted the comfort and the softness and the care.

“I don’t know what to do,” she confessed. “I keep dreaming about it, and it’s stupid for me to hurt when I should haveexpected that you’d never want me like a husband wants his wife.”

---