Page 10 of The Only Heart that Matters

To see me.

Not Daisy’s brother.

Just me.

If I’d had my way, we would have stayed upstairs talking about books the rest of the night. I would have been happy to never have rejoined the others downstairs. She brought a light to my space that had never been there before. With her in the room, everything felt smaller. There was no escaping her.

And I didn’t want to.

But downstairs we went. Daisy stole her away, and they partied until the bar closed. It was paramount that I kept her out of touching distance for the rest of the night. I watched her. AndI watched Rhen, just in case. But there were no more dances. No more touching.

The dreams I’ve had with her as the main character the last two nights confirmed what I already knew was true.

I’m used to this attraction being one-sided... but lately... I swear, it’s not just me wanting more. We’ve been more casual around each other. Touching more than usual. Even if those touches have been innocent.

I’ve always been aware of her when she’s in the room, but there’s some sort of new thread pulling me toward her. It’s a thread I need to sever, because I cannot go there with Mia.

Forget about the connection between our moms and my sister. That’s the smallest thing keeping me away from her.

If she knew the real me, well, it wouldn’t take a woman as intelligent as her to realize I’m not worthy to breathe the same air as her. If she knew the things I keep buried deep inside, she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. She wouldn’t want me anywhere near her son.

I’ve lost too many people. I refuse to lose her, too. If friendship is all I’ll ever get, it’s enough. I have internal demons I have yet to slay, but I’m working on it. Every Tuesday at 11am. With my therapist.

Putting the truck in park in front of the barndominium she and Sawyer call home, I roll my neck and take a deep breath.

You are just her friend. You’re driving her to an appointment and hanging out with her kid. You’d do it for any of your friends. Because that’s all she is. Your. Friend.

Leaving the truck running so the cab stays warm, I make my way to her front door. It’s been snowing for days and it’s colder than a witch’s tit out here. The last thing she needs before her big interview is a case of the shakes because she’s freezing.

I knock on the door and hear what I think is acome in,so I let myself in.

“Gus, Gus!” Sawyer yells as he tries to run to me, but his dark blue snowsuit slows him down.

He is the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. No surprise since his mommy, well, she’s the prettiest damn woman I’ve ever known.

There isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t look good. Hell, Mia with her hair in a messy bun and no make-up is a dream, but this morning she’s not my sister's teenage best friend. She’s a grown woman and it’s all I can do not to stare.

Her long waves are straight, with the sides pulled away from her face and her minimal make-up is just right. Her black blazer, white silk blouse, and matching black pants fit her like a glove. The jacket curves in at her waist before flaring just right at her hips. Her pants are fitted, but not too tight, and the look is complete with what seem to be two or three-inch heels.

She is spectacular.

“Sawyer, did you tell your mommy how nice she looks?” I say, picking him up as his mom’s cheeks turn my favorite color of pink from my roundabout compliment.

His little arms squeeze around my neck and it feels fantastic. There’s something about a child's unconditional love.

“Do I look okay?” she asks as she frantically spins for me and scoops up a pair of snow boots. “Professional enough?”

“Very professional,” I assure her.

I’m not lying. I would hire her in a minute. However, she also looks delectable, but it’s safer to keep that part to myself.

“Okay, good.”

She kicks off her heels and slips the snow boots on, shoving her shoes in a bag she slings over her shoulder.

“I think I have everything Sawyer might need in here.” She pats the bag now also carrying her heels and looks at the clock on the wall. “Shit, we still have to put his car seat in your truck.”

“Don’t forget your coat,” I say, trying to be helpful.

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