Page 109 of The Only Heart that Matters

“I’ve got it. I’ll load her into the back of the truck and take her back to Mom’s.”

“I can help.”

“No need. I’ve got the built-in ramp on the back of the truck. I’ve got it.” He gives me one of his famous, I’m older and know better looks. “From the sound of it, you and Mia need to talk.”

Bernadette and Cal slowly, at her pace, tromp out the front door. I take the moment inside alone to check on Sawyer. He’s tucked into his bed, Bruce hugged tightly to him as he sleeps on his side facing the door, giving me a perfect view of his chubby cheeks and blond head of hair. Squatting on the side of the bed, I examine Sawyer Brian Powell, the little boy I had been daydreaming about being a father figure to. My chest hurts when I think about the fact that I'm actually his uncle and will never be his daddy.

I don't know when that yearning started for me, but now that the possibility is gone, I realize how bad I wanted it. A life together. The three of us. It was just a couple days ago when I finally came to the conclusion I no longer cared what the family thought about us being together.

Mia and I were endgame.

At least I had hoped we were.

Looking at Sawyer now, I see the resemblance. His wavey hair, his perfect nose, the dimple on his chin, matching the one on Knox’s. And his middle name. She kept his true identity a secret but gave him a part of us by giving him the same middle name all the men in my family have.

How did I miss it?

As I did earlier this evening, I feel sick to my stomach thinking about Knox with Mia. Knox has the honor of being Sawyer’s daddy, and he doesn’t even know. The myriad of emotions swirling through my body brings angry tears to my eyes. I need to remove myself from this situation before my emotions get the best of me. Placing a kiss on Sawyer's head, I stand and watch him sleep a few seconds more. He’s gonna beso sad he slept through a cow being in the house. The thought brings a small smile to my lips.

Exiting his room, I close the door quietly behind me and take a fortifying breath before heading down the hall to face his mommy. A lifetime of images flash through my head as I slog to what feels like my death. All memories of Mia. Decades of friendship, longing and, for the last few months, the intimacy we’ve shared. It feels like I’m losing it all.

My best friend.

The love of my life.

Finally summoning the courage to face her, I make my way through the house to find Mia leaning against the front door. Her arms are crossed in front of her as she shivers from being outside in the rain. When she sees me, her arms drop and her hands fists at her sides.

She’s blocking my way out. When I’m only five feet in front of her, she locks eyes with me, not letting me slip away so easily this time. “This is why I was scared to start something with you. I knew you would hate me one day.”

“I could never hate you, but I need to wrap my head around this.”

“Of course.”

“Knox needs to know.”

“Angus, you were there at the Grammy after-party. You heard the things he said about any woman who claimed to be pregnant with his child. I never meant for this to happen, and I refuse to be accused of being the kind of woman he described that night. But most of all, I refuse to let my child feel unwanted or like he was a mistake. I knew falling in love with you would end like this, but that little boy is my entire world. He will never be a mistake.”

The conversation she’s referring to rings a bell, but that’s not the part of her statement that has my heart trying to break through my chest. “What did you just say?”

“My son is not a mistake.”

“Before that.”

She takes two steps away from the door. She’s so close my skin tingles from her nearness.

“You mean the part where I fell in love with you?”

My pulse quickens hearing her say it again. I’m unable to control the heaving of my chest as her words sink in.

“And not the love I felt for you growing up. That was a teenage crush. It was nothing compared to what I feel for you as a woman. I have fallen madly in love with you. And even though I knew telling you the truth would end us, I couldn’t be with you and keep the truth from you. Daisy, my parents, nobody has mattered enough for me to risk coming clean, but you… you needed to know. Is that the part you’re talking about?”

“Do you think loving me was a mistake?”

“Never. But I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you. I’m sorry about that. You’ll never know how many times I’ve wished it had been you.”

“But it wasn’t, was it?”

Images of her with my brother flash through my mind for the hundredth time since her confession. My rage threatens to rush back to the surface. Space. I need to put space between us so I can think clearly.

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