Page 113 of The Only Heart that Matters

The pathetic sound of my voice telling Callen I was in love with Mia and Sawyer, haunting me.

The nausea hasn’t stopped swirling in my stomach as all the reasons we will never work overtake any bit of rational thought in my head.

But through all the negative thoughts, there is one thing louder than the rest of them. She loves me. She isinlove with me.

I wish I could say the beauty in her words wiped away the bleak narrative consuming me, but that would be a lie. Because the negative is a hell of a lot easier to believe than the positive.

I’m not sure Mom is right this time.

Love may not be enough.

Chapter Forty-Two

Mia

Feeling like a shell of a human, I stand next to the bar faking a smile. Speaking when spoken to. Nodding when appropriate. Pretending my entire world isn’t on the verge of implosion.

It’s been two weeks since I blew up my world. I’ve barely eaten. My nerves are so frazzled I can barely do my job. Every time my phone rings or the ping of a text comes through, I panic, thinking, this is it. But I haven’t heard a thing from any of the McKinnons outside of the norm. I’ve seen Daisy multiple times, if she knew, she would have said something. This I know for sure.

I’ve avoided Sunday dinner the last two weeks, but other than that, things are eerily normal. Too normal.

I’m so on edge that a couple of days ago our receptionist, Jane, tried to hand me a large legal-sized envelope and I wouldn’t take it from her. I honestly thought I was being served. That Knox had filed legal papers asking for custody.

She looked at me like I was crazy and left it on the desk at the nurses' station. Thankfully, she’s been kind enough not to bring it up again. Who knows what she must think of me?

The day after I came clean to Angus, I texted to tell him we would find another place to live, but he told me to stay. He was back in the loft and didn’t need the house. I’ve stayed, selfishly not wanting to leave his space, and frankly, I have nowhere else to go.

The thing is, it doesn’t feel like it did when he was living there with us. A piece of us is missing. Sawyer has asked for his Gus Gus more times than I can count, and it hurts my soul every time he does. I should have known better than to bring Angus into our lives like I did. Sawyer’s heart was at risk too and now he’s paying the price.

Keeping Sawyer’s father's identity was a decision I made the minute I found out I was pregnant. I was so certain it was the right thing to do that I didn’t think about it often. Until Angus kissed me at the stroke of midnight.

He changed everything.

Subconsciously, I knew the day would come when the truth would reveal itself. How could it not? But I never could have imagined the shame would be so all-consuming. Or that seeing the pain on Angus’s face would shatter me the way it has.

Yet, here I am. Faking it until I make it, because all I have is Sawyer and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. Even if that means spending my Friday night at a loud country bar, when I would rather be anywhere else. No, I didn’t have to come out tonight, but after the wake-up call I got yesterday, I knew it would be best if I were here.

Dr. Gibbons pulled me into her office yesterday to ask if I was okay. She said she was worried about me and asked if things were okay at home. Lying, I told her everything was great andtold myself to snap out of it. If I can put on a brave face at home for Sawyer, I can do it at work, too.

Everything I do is for Sawyer.

I selfishly indulged, letting Angus into my arms and my heart. As a result, I lost him and will no doubt lose much more.

I’m lost in my head when someone says my name. I register Hailey’s voice, but I missed her question.

“I’m sorry. What was that?”

She raises her voice, thinking the music was the reason I didn’t hear her. “I asked where your husband was. Is he not going to make it?”

I’m surprised it took as long as it did for someone to ask, and hate that another lie has to leave my mouth.

“Oh. I. Uh...”

“Speak of the devil.” Jane smiles.

A gasp escapes me when a familiar hand slides across my palm, his fingers lacing with mine.

“Hey, babe. Sorry, I’m late.” He places a kiss on my cheek.

---