Page 22 of The Only Heart that Matters

Angus, Daisy, Charlie, Sawyer, and I sit on the floor while my parents take their place on the love seat, Sharon in her favorite chair, and Cal and Knox on the couch, each taking up the space of two or three. It used to be all of us kids on the floor, but Cal and Knox, the old men of the group, have graduated to the couch this year.

“Mia, you're next!” Daisy hands me a gift. Her up-to-no-good smile tells me all I need to know.

“You’re my Secret Santa, aren’t you?”

She bounces with glee. “I am. Now open, open, open!”

Her excitement is infectious, so I tear the paper off the thin box like a savage. “An e-reader! Daisy, thank you so much. I love it.”

I really do love it. Reading is the only thing I do solely for myself these days. It’s my one luxury when Sawyer goes to bed at night.

“I know you’re old school, but trust me when I tell you, this is gonna change your life. Oh, and you won’t need your library card for a while. I’ve already loaded it with all my favorites.” She gives me a wink and I know what that means. It’s full of naughty romances she knows I’m too embarrassed to check out at the local library. I know everyone that works there, and this is a small town. People talk!

“Pirate porn!” Callen coughs into his hand.

“What in the world are you talking about? On Christmas no less,” Sharon yells at her son, but there’s a smile on her face.

“That’s what Daisy put on Mia’s e-reader, Mom. Pirate porn. Alien porn. You know, all that mommy porn stuff. Apparently, the kinkier the better.”

Charlie gasps. “You are such a jerk!” She smacks him on the leg. “I am never telling you anything ever again.”

“Hey!” he balks. “You’re marrying this jerk!”

“She's got a week to change her mind, you know. You better mind your p’s and q’s until you get her down the aisle,” Knox chimes in. Yes, even Knox, the elusive eldest McKinnon sibling, is home.

Knox is always here for Christmas, but this year he’ll be staying longer than the usual float in and out of town for two nights max. He gets itchy if he’s home for too long. It’s a shame, because their family is incredibly close, and they miss him.

Charlotte was a big-time entertainment lawyer before moving to Goose Hollow to be with Callen and start a business with Daisy, and Knox and his band were her biggest clients. This year, he’s home for not just the holidays, but for all the wedding festivities culminating in the wedding on New Year'sEve. Sharon has been beside herself with joy to have him here for so long.

The whole family is here.

Chris and Aiden may not be here physically, but they’re always with us. I refuse to believe otherwise. We lost my brother in combat eight years ago. The first couple of holiday seasons felt impossible to get through without him. I still miss him every day. We all do. But Angus... he hasn’t been the same since. He was with Chris the day he died. They were best friends, as close as brothers, and coming home without Chris changed something deep inside him.

“Listen to your big brother. I haven’t saidI dojust yet!”

“Don’t even joke about that, baby. I can’t help it if my sister is a perv.” Callen leans forward to kiss his fiancée from where she sits on the floor between his legs. Their Spiderman kiss is so dang sweet.

The whole room moans, and Cal smirks, loving every second of the teasing.

“Daisy, I am so sorry.”

“There’s no reason to be sorry, Charlie. I’m not embarrassed. Mom, let me know if you want to borrow any of my books.”

“Daisy Brianna McKinnon, there is a child present. That is something you can talk to me about in private after everyone leaves.”

The room bursts out in laughter. Well, not everyone laughs.

“Mom, no!” Knox yells while Cal pretends to vomit. The rest of us laugh and I hold my hand up to Sharon for a high five.

This crazy cast of characters is what I hold most dear to my heart. I love the family I was born into, but the family my parents chose for us is also amazing. You need to have tough skin around this group, but that’s what makes life fun.

Angus isn’t chiming in, though. He chuckled to himself during the mommy porn conversation, but most of his attentionhas been on my little boy. Sawyer has already used Agnus as a jungle gym. Now, he sits in front of him as they drive different toddler-safe fire trucks, tow trucks, and even dinosaur trucks around the floor. They quietly play as if they’re the only two people in the room. Angus makes truck noises and cute little siren sounds. Sawyer crashes his bestie’s vehicle, pretending it flies through the sky while his audience of one looks like he’s never had this much fun.

Angus McKinnon is a serious man. He doesn’t smile or laugh nearly enough, but something changes when he and Sawyer are together. He turns into a kid, playing and laughing with abandon. They are like whipped cream and hot cocoa, the perfect combo.

He looks up and catches me watching them. My cheeks heat, but I don’t look away and neither does he. He gives me a small smile. My belly somersaults, as per usual, but I swear he’s looking at me differently. In my exhaustion, I must be imagining the change I sense in him because I will always and forever be Goof to him.

It’s easy to take his kindness for more than it is when I’ve wanted his attention for as long as I can remember. Not to mention, we’ve had more one-on-one time together in the past week than we ever have. That’s all it is. I’m tired and loopy from the stress of my parents leaving, the move, and the anxiety waiting to hear about the job.

---