Page 23 of The Only Heart that Matters

I’m emotionally spent.

He has never and will never see me romantically.

But what about our moment at the house earlier today? It felt like something more. It felt so real. More intense than things usually feel with Angus.

Lately, nothing feels normal.

Daisy examines the tag on another gift. “Okay, enough of this nonsense. Let’s see. The next present is for Angus. Looks like Mia drew your name this year.”

He plucks Sawyer from the floor beside him and sets him in his lap. “Wanna help me open this, buddy?”

They unwrap the gift and when he sees the dark blue copy ofPride and Prejudice, he smiles a knowing smile before turning his grin to me.

“I thought I would give you a classic with a happy ending. Your book collection is way too emo.”

“You got Angus a book?” Knox asks in mock confusion. His long dark hair is pushed behind his ears, and one of his tattooed arms is thrown across the back of the couch like nothing in the world could phase him.

What I wouldn’t give for an ounce of that confidence.

“Gus can read?” Cal teases next.

“Sweetie, did you put the tag on the wrong gift?” Daisy asks, the multi-colored lights of the tree dancing in her eyes.

Ignoring his siblings, his eyes lock with mine and there is nothing but joy and sincerity shining back at me. “Thank you. I love it.” And he means it. His eyes always give him away, but right now there is no lie to reveal. He really does love the gift.

The embarrassment warming my cheeks a moment ago bursts into a searing heat because he looks at me a little longer than he should. Once again, my stomach flips and my heartbeat accelerates.

Charlie leans over and whispers, “I’d say he likes his gift.”

“It’s an inside joke,” I assure her.

He continues to watch me from across the room as my little boy sleepily cuddles against him.

“I bet it is.”

Hearing the innuendo in her voice, I hurry to explain, “It’s not like that.”

Sawyer takes Gus’s attention away when he snuggles against his chest. I miss his eyes on me the instant they're gone, but watching my baby boy cuddle into him has tears threatening to fall. Not only because of how much I love the sight, but because it’s obvious Sawyer is missing out by not having a daddy in his life. It breaks my heart.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” Charlie says, continuing to stir the pot.

“No, really. He doesn’t see me that way. We’re just friends,” I whisper to her.

“If you say so.”

Chapter Eleven

Angus

“So? What do you think?” Callen asks as we wait for our drinks at the bar. We're at The House, where we’ve closed for the night to host the rehearsal dinner.

I’m surprised they didn’t ask to have the wedding here instead of the barn. I know the space is free, but you’d think they would want to change it up a bit. First the combined bachelor and bachelorette party, and now the rehearsal dinner.

“About what?” I play stupid, even though I know exactly what he’s asking. Callen, Charlotte, and Daisy seem to think there could be a possible love connection between me and Karissa, Charlie’s best friend, but I have zero interest. It’s not that she isn’t attractive, because she is. She’s funny and I do like her, but when Mia is in the room, no other women exist.

The day has been a blissful torment for me. I’m walking Mia down the aisle at Callen and Charlotte’s New Year’s Eve wedding tomorrow night, which means I’ve spent a lot of time not only near her but touching her. Like a pubescent kid who feels eachinnocent grazing of her fingers like it’s some sort of foreplay, I have savored each brush of her skin against mine, likely inconsequential to her but they’re everything to me.

Earlier today, she slid her arm through mine as we practiced our pace down the makeshift aisle in the enormous barn usually used for storage, but has been transformed into the perfect wedding venue. Her breast kept brushing my bicep as we walked, making me curse under my breath.

---