Page 32 of The Only Heart that Matters

Wanted.

Cared for.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing anything right. Should I have handled things differently with his father? Not that he has any desire to be a parent. He sure as hell doesn’t deserve that title, but biologically, that’s what he is.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change anything. I couldn’t, because then I wouldn’t be lucky enough to be the mother of my sweet, smart child. But will Sawyer feel as fortunate to have only me when he’s older? Because the day will come when we finally have the talk about who and where his daddy is.

Will he hate me? Will he ever forgive me?

Watching him with Angus breaks my heart. What I wouldn’t give for him to have a man as special as Angus McKinnon as his father.

The same Angus McKinnon who hasn’t left my side all night.

My head is all spun up and confused from our constant touching. Dancing. Laughing. Having my back when Hailey introduced herself. Calling mewifey.And now this.

We’ve always been close. How could we not be? Our families are practically one and the same. He was my brother's best friend. I’m his sister's best friend. We’ve spent so much of our lives around each other. But something has changed, hasn’t it? Or is my sad little heart feeling things that aren’t there?

My parents have finally said all their goodbyes and Angus is gently handing Sawyer to my dad. Which means, sadly, my time in the shadows is over.

Wiping my face to ensure there’s no remaining trace of tears, I take a deep breath and meet them as they’re walking toward the table where I left Sawyer’s packed bag.

“Hey, you two sure you want to go? I can take him home,” I offer as Angus lingers off to the side, watching us.

Watching me.

What I wouldn’t give for them to take me up on my offer to take him home, because the thought of being here without someone to kiss at midnight is depressing. Especially with the only person I want to kiss staring at me in an unfamiliar but not unwanted way.

“Nonsense. Stay,” my mom insists.

“Sweetheart,” my dad says, holding his grandson in one arm while pulling me close with his other. “We’re going to miss our time with him, honey. It’s as much for us as it is for you.”

“I’m gonna miss you two. And not just for the free babysitting,” I giggle through the sorrow of missing them already, refusing to let the tears start again.

“Tomorrow, sweet pea.” Mom takes me by the hand. “Save all that for tomorrow.”

Angus is still standing to the side of the table, waiting. Is he waiting for me?

Am I imagining things?

Have I completely lost my mind?

I glance at him, feeling my eyebrows pinch together in confusion. He replies with a sexy little wink and the tiniest lift to one side of his mouth. Still unsure what to make of him, I follow my parents out to the car, leaving Angus inside.

The distraction of getting my sleeping baby boy strapped into his seat only lasts a moment. I hug my parents, holding each of them a little longer than usual, then back up to stand alone, waving as they pull away.

Alone.

I’ve never felt so alone.

With Mom and Dad leaving, it will be just the two of us from here on out. I know I can handle it, but it was nice to have the support of my parents. Sure, I have Daisy and the entire McKinnon clan, but it’s not quite the same.

What I wouldn’t give to have my big brother back right about now.

Even though there’s snow covering the ground, and I’m certainly not dressed for the frigid weather, I’d rather be out here than inside as the clock strikes twelve. Not having anyone to kiss at midnight only adds to the loneliness sitting like a weight on my chest.

Following the snow-cleared path with the moonlight as my guide, I sneak around the corner of the barn where I find more shadows to hide in as the cold air burns my lungs and, hopefully, clears these ridiculous thoughts of Angus from my mind.

But I’ll be damned if his reaction to seeing me in my bridesmaid dress this afternoon didn’t make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room.

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