Page 47 of The Only Heart that Matters

Sitting here now, sipping my coffee and waiting for my parents to arrive, that’s what keeps playing on repeat in my mind. He’s wanted me since he was eighteen. How is that possible? I would wonder how I missed the signs, but I know better than anyone how a person can love someone from afar, so well not even those closest to them notice.

“One night or a thousand, you’ll always be my goof, Mia. Always.”Those words echoed in my mind as I showered and got ready for the day. Preparing for a whole new set of emotions to bombard me when I say goodbye to my parents as they embark on this new phase of their lives.

They should be my priority, and Iamheartbroken they’re leaving. But my emotions are still tangled up in Angus. In the way he looked at me. Needed me. If it weren’t for the bruises on my knees and the soreness between my legs, I’d wonder if the whole night had actually been a dream.

“I am going to worship you. And you’re going to watch.”

Sure, I’ve heard women talk about their nights in his loft, but I never could have imagined sex with Angus would be so intense. But we weren’t in his loft, we were in his bed, in his house.

A knock on the door rouses me from my musings, and I rush to answer. The need for a comforting hug from my mom suddenly overwhelms me now that I know she’s on the other side of the door.

Pulling the door open to find the three most important people in my life beaming at me causes my chest to tighten andmy limbs to grow heavy. Sawyer is beaming in his grandpa’s arms and Mom is gazing at them fondly, laughing at something Dad said.

When Mom takes in my appearance, she knows exactly what I need. Lunging toward me with open arms, she hugs me like nobody has ever hugged me. She has always given the best hugs, holding on and never letting go until I’m ready. Any other day, she’d stand here as long as I need her to, but today, they need to get to the airport. So, much sooner than I’d like, I pull away.

She takes my hand, gently pulling me away from the open door and closes it behind us.

Dad and Sawyer are waiting a few feet away and I’m surprised to see the somber look on Dad’s face again. That same desolation fills his eyes, like it did on Christmas Eve when he apologized for their move. Where Mom seems beside herself with excitement to start their next journey, Dad is anything but.

“Mama! Look!” Sawyer says, holding out a familiar light brown and white stuffed English bulldog. Well, what used to be white has turned to a dingey off-white after three and a half decades.

Tears I didn’t see coming overtake me. “Bruce,” I say on a shaky breath, studying the faces of my parents. “Are you sure?”

“We’re sure, honey,” Mom says, shaking the paw Sawyer holds out to her.

Bruce was my brother's most prized possession as a little boy. He went everywhere Chris went. Even through his teenage years, Bruce was always on his bed. Sure, Chris would boot him to the floor at night while he slept, but Bruce was always there.

Chris should be here watching Sawyer grow up. Teaching him how to ride a horse or fish. Instead, my little boy now has Bruce. It’s not the same, but it’s a piece of Chris I will make sure he treasures.

“Thank you,” I say. “For Bruce and for watching him last night.”

Dad lowers Sawyer to his feet and he scampers off to his room.

His absence leaves an awkward tension between the three of us.

“Of course. It was fun. You should have seen him jumping up and down on the beds this morning. It was like his very own trampoline park.” Dad chuckles. They’ve been staying in a hotel the last couple of days since all of their belongings are currently en route to their new home in Sarasota.

Mom’s fingertips tap my cheek. “Looks like you had a late night. How are you feeling this morning?”

More like an early morning.

I need to play this off. If anybody knows when I’m lying, Mom does.

“Shoot, I forgot I had these on.” I peel off the eye masks I put on after my shower. Hopefully, they did their job and it isn’t obvious I’ve been crying since Angus got dressed and walked away. “It was quite the party, wasn’t it?”

“It was a perfect day,” Mom agrees.

“You guys want some coffee?”

“Mia, honey. We can’t stay long. We have to get to the airport.”

Dread falls like lead in my belly.

This is it.

Cue the waterworks.

Dang it!

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