Page 64 of The Only Heart that Matters

“I’ll lieforyou, Mia. But I’ll nevertoyou.”

I’m not sure my heart can take more of this conversation, but I wouldn’t stop it if I could.

“But you never showed any interest in me. I would have noticed. Trust me.”

“I’ve learned how to put my walls up over the years. We can never be, so why instigate something? It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

“So, why now?”

“Honestly?”

“You said you’d never lie.”

“Doesn’t mean you want to hear the truth.”

“I do.”

“I can’t really explain it. Since the day you said you were pregnant, but wouldn’t tell us who the father was, I’ve had this overwhelming need to protect you, and this little guy.” He rubs my yawning boy.

Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming.

“I’ve been able to keep myself in check, but when you needed help and I knew I could provide the solution to your problem, I couldn’tnotstep in. The relief I felt the day I drove away from this house, knowing the two of you were inside... Mia, I can’t explain it. It took a weight off my chest I hadn’t realized was even there.”

“Gus, you don’t have to protect us. You know that, right?”

My mind races with all the moments I must have missed over the last two and a half years. When I look back now, Angus was always there. I was so wrapped up in my pregnancy and then Sawyer; I saw it for what I’m sure everyone else has: a good friend who was there for all the important moments. Including the night I went into labor. He was there all night long and didn’t leave until after family and friends could come in and see the two of us. I remember him kissing me on the forehead, but I was so out of it, I didn’t see it as anything other than platonic.

“But I do need to protect you.”

“Why?” I’m absolutely baffled. None of this makes sense.

“I don’t know why. It’s just the way it is.” He shrugs the shoulder not weighed down by a two-year-old whose eyelids are growing increasingly heavy. “The day I drove you to your interview and hung out with this guy,” he places another small kiss on Sawyers' head, “I hadn’t felt that relaxed in a long time.”

I don’t know what to say. All I can do is watch the two of them from across the table. He looks natural with Sawyer in his arms. He notices him nodding off and lowers his voice when he continues.

“You two staying here feels good. It’sright.I may not be here with you, but that’s okay because you’re right where you’re supposed to be.”

“Angus, I don’t know what to say.”

It’s true. I’m baffled. It makes all the mixed signals I was getting from him much clearer, but it’s still too much to wrap my head around.

He can’t feel this way about me. About us. He can’t.

“There’s nothing to say. I still shouldn’t have crossed the line like I have. I should have left it at friends. Taking care of you two should have been enough. And it was. Until I selfishly kissed you. All it took was one kiss and you obliterated my well-built walls.”

Right back at cha, cowboy.

“I don’t regret that night, Mia. Never. But I also know that night was as far as we can take it.”

“Agreed.”

“Good. Now, if someone asks to get me a drink at the party, you should probably know what my favorite drink is.”

And just like that, one of the most meaningful conversations of my life ends. We’re back to our fake relationship. Arelationship I wish was anything but fake. Regardless, I roll with the conversation change.

Besides, the answer to his question is easy.

“EBC if we’re talking beer, and an old-fashioned for a proper drink.”

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