Page 88 of The Only Heart that Matters

“And Mia and Sawyer make you happy, yes?”

“Doc, you know they do.”

“You deserve to be happy, Angus. Chris would want that for you.”

“I’m not sure I deserve to be happy, but God, the two of them make me happier than I knew was possible.”

“You deserve to be happy,” she repeats.

“Doc...”

“Angus, you deserve to be loved, the same as Mia and Sawyer deserve to be loved. They deserve you and you deserve them.”

“But if she knew I could have saved her brother…. That I could have but I didn’t….”

“If you tell her what really happened, your orders, the circumstances, not the version you continue to tell yourself, but the facts, I think she could love you the same as she does today.”

I huff out a laugh. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Nobody said anything about Mia Powell loving me. A childhood crush and sexual chemistry do not equal love.”

“But you love her,” Dr. Laughlin counters.

“I do, but I never said she loved me.”

“Maybe if you told her how you feel, she would do the same.”

“And what if she doesn’t?”

“If she doesn’t, she may have her own reasons. Daisy, being one of those reasons. But from everything you’ve told me, it’s clear she has feelings for you. It may be too soon for it to be love for her, though. She may not be ready. She’s a single mother, andthat comes with a lot of responsibility. You need to understand where she’s coming from. It’s not just Mia, you would be in a relationship with. It’s Sawyer too.”

“And if it’s not for any other reason than she simply doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Then at least you’ll know you put yourself out there. You’ll never have to wonder. You’ve earned the right to know how she feels. Who knows, you could be depriving the both of you of something special.”

Getting the doc’s words out of my head has been impossible. I’ve been useless since our call ended.

I went to work and stayed until closing time to sort out the side effects from today’s appointment. I barely spoke two words as I slogged through the motions while guilt, love, fear, and desperation to make Mia mine wreaked havoc on my head and my heart.

Today left me with more questions than answers. Is there a remote chance this is more than a crush and intense sexual chemistry on her side, too? Could she really love me? Even without her knowing about Chris, does she think I’m good enough to be a father-figure in her child’s life?

It’s 2am when I walk through the front door of the quiet house. As usual, she left the light above the kitchen sink on. The ambient glow highlights Mia and Sawyer’s belongings littered about the great room and dining room. Sawyer’s favorite dump truck waits on the bench next to the front door, where both of their jackets hang. Mia’s favorite fluffy gray blanket is folded and draped along the back of the couch. Sawyer's high chair is tuckedunder the table. Their things make this house feel like a home for the first time.

I stand in the entryway taking it all in, telling myself not to lean in and bury my nose in her favorite red scarf that I know will smell like her.

That would be creepy.

Forcing myself to walk past the coatrack and through the house amongst their things, I head to the kitchen, hoping to distract myself with something to eat. Except what I find in the fridge is anything but a distraction. There’s a container of food with a note on it.

Sawyer missed you tonight. Hope you like stir-fry?

She didn’t confess her undying love. She said Sawyer missed me, not her. So why is it suddenly so hard to breathe? Why is my heart thundering in my ears? She said she hoped I liked stir-fry, not that she wanted to stay here with me forever.

You deserve to be happy.

Mia and Sawyer deserve to be happy.

You’ll never know if you don’t put yourself out there.

The same words that have been torturing me all day spin round and round through my head, but now that I’m here in the house where they lay sleeping, standing in the kitchen with leftovers in my hand, those words hit me like a freight train.

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