Page 93 of The Only Heart that Matters

“Mia. Don’t freak out. All I’m saying is I’ve got you.”

He knows me so well.

“Thank you.”

“Stop thanking me. We’ll see you when you get home.”

“Okay, see you when I get home.”

“Bye, Goof.”

“Bye.”

My heart is galloping all over itself and there’s nothing I can do about it.

If I thought moving into his home was a mistake, agreeing to stay in his house with him also in it, was a monumental error in judgment on my part.

My little boy and the man I have always loved are out cold on the couch,PawPatrolsilently playing on the TV. They didn’t hear me come through the front door and are oblivious to the fact that I’m standing in the family room, tears dripping from my chin as I cover my mouth with my hand to hold in my sobs.

I’ve dreamt of this exact scenario so many times. It’s everything I could ever want, not just for me, but for Sawyer. He deserves a life like this more than I do. And as much as Angus tells me he’s tired of making excuses to keep us apart, it’s only because he’s naïve to the reality of our situation. I’ve got to put an end to this before the three of us get in any deeper. I need to find a new place to live. Maybe I’ll find an apartment in Bend close to the clinic. I’ll start making calls on my break tomorrow.

Slipping off my shoes, I tip-toe through the house to the kitchen where I keep my to-do list, crossing off one item and adding two more. One is a reminder to pick up laundry detergent at the store tomorrow, and the other will change our lives forever.

Gently, I attempt to pick Sawyer up, but Gus’s arms squeeze him tighter to his chest as his eyes open. When he sees it's me, he gives me a soft smile that melts my heart.

“Let me go put him down,” I whisper.

“Okay,” he relents, relaxing his grip.

Sawyer, already in his pajamas, is heavy in my arms. He’s getting so big. So fast. Life is flying by without a care in the world for my need to slow it down. Sooner than I’d like, he’ll be too old for his mom to hug and kiss him in front of his friends and then he’ll be in college, then married.

Good grief, woman! Get a hold of yourself! He’s two!

I chastise myself, because my tears are back and one falls on his little head as I lay him down. Kneeling next to his bed, I watch my baby sleep as I run my fingers through his blond hair. Taking in the moment of peace with him, because his life is about to change irrevocably.

“I’m so sorry, baby boy,” I whisper.

I’m still on the floor with him when I feel Gus’s presence. My moment of peace is over. Who knows if I’ll ever have one again.

Standing, I take a fortifying breath and turn to face the man in the doorway. He’s no longer the childhood crush that kept me up at night. He’s more than any of those things, because I amin lovewith him. It’s not the kind of love you feel for a family friend, it's an all-consuming kind of love that you only get once in a lifetime. Only, I don’t get to keep my once in a lifetime, because I’m about to lose it. But before I do, I want one more night.

One more night of the most devastating love I’ve ever known. Before I bring it all crashing down.

“You okay?” he asks, as I approach him.

My reply is to link my pinky finger with his as I pass by, leading him out of the room, and closing Sawyer’s door behind us. Angus follows me to his bedroom.

“Mia, as happy as I am to see where your mind is going, I’d like to talk about something before we go any farther.”

Closing the door behind us, I make my way to my bedside table where I turn on the baby monitor, lowering the volume to barely audible. The obsessive mom in me has to have it on, but the woman in me doesn’t need to hear him sleep while I take what I want from the man standing behind me.

“Mia.” His arms wrap around my middle as he whispers in my ear. “We need to talk.”

The caress of his words on the shell of my ear fuels the fire inside me. The last thing I want to do is talk.

“I need to talk to you, too. But it can wait until tomorrow.”

He turns me around so he can look at me. “I don’t want to go further until you know everything. Because that’s what I want from you. Mia.Everything. And I can’t give that to you until we talk.”

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