Page 128 of The Only Thing That's Real

When the newness rubs off, will she see what a bore I am?

Will she resent me or Sawyer when the next sixteen years revolves around my kid?

Shaking the negative thoughts from my head, I hold on to the image of Ryan and Rebecca laughing.

One day at a time, McKinnon. One day at a time.

Before I know it, I’m in my truck driving to the grocery store. It’s too hot to walk back with the groceries, so I drive the short distance to the store, park, and grab a cart. I can’t remember the last time I roamed the aisles of a grocery store. It must have been when the band was living out of a van, searching for the cheapest food we could find, to stay alive. We saved a large portion of the little money we had for booze. Cheap booze, but it got the job done.

Not sure what to pick up, I load the cart with the basics. Everything we need for sandwiches, cereal and milk, bananas, random beverages, ice cream and other snacks, but I have no idea how to choose produce. But it’s not about the produce. It’s about passing another self-inflicted test to see how hard it is to exist in the town I fled from, too consumed with guilt to say any longer.

So far, so good.

At a loss for what else to get, I find the one openregister and pay. The woman ringing me up doesn’t give me a second glance and I practically skip through the parking lot.

My bags are in the truck, my cart returned, and I’m ten feet from climbing behind the wheel when the trauma I’ve been running from finds me.

“Knox McKinnon, as I live and breathe!”

I turn to greet the person who’s spotted me, and my heart drops. I break out into a cold sweat because I recognize the woman walking toward me with arms wide open. I could never forget her.

“Hello, Mrs. Buck. It’s good to see you.” I pray she doesn’t hear the shake in my voice.

“I’d know that head of hair anywhere.” She lifts on her toes, pulling me into a hug. “How long are you in town for?”

As of a few minutes ago, forever. Now, I’m not so sure.

“I’m thinking about moving back.”

“Oh, how wonderful. Your mother must be over the moon.”

Pushing my hair behind my ears, I reply with a yes, not knowing what else to say.

“Well, I’ll let you go. It’s good to have you home, Knox. Welcome back.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Buck.”

“It’s Mrs. Baker now. Same initials, but new last name. I’m truly blessed to have had two great loves in my life. I’ll introduce you to John the next time we see each other. He’ll be thrilled to meet you.”

“That would be nice.”

“Have a good day and say hello to your mom for me,” she says, walking toward the store.

I get into the truck, blast the AC, and hold my hair off my neck, desperate to cool off.

She found love again.

Grasping on to that thought, I drive back to the cabin in a haze of emotion. Before I know it, I’m parked in front of the cabin, and I don’t even remember the drive home. I check the clock. It’s not even noon yet. I run my hands through my shoulder-length hair and sigh.

Things were going so well.

Until they weren’t.

Chapter Sixty-Four

Ryan

“Hello? Knox? I’m home.”

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