Page 40 of The Only Thing That's Real

“Good... good... how are you two?”

“All good, Knox,” Gus replies.

Mia remains quiet.

There’s an awkward moment of silence as fear practically radiates off Mia. She’s scared shitless. I clearly need to put her mind at ease.

“Mia, thanks for agreeing to talk to me. I haven’t exactly handled things in a way that I’m proud of and because of that, I first want to tell you how deeply sorry I am. Second, I want to assure you I’m not calling to take him away from you.”

Her shoulders relax while her hand holding my brother’s tightens before she finally speaks. “I appreciate that, but you’re not the only one who’s sorry. Knox, I did everythingwrong. It was awful of me not to tell you that you were going to be a father, and it was cruel not to tell you after he was born. You’ve lost two and a half years of his life and for that, I am so very sorry. I need you to believe me when I tell you I thought I was doing the right thing for my son.”

I’m stunned silent.

Her regret and compassion. Are unexpected. Everything I had prepared has vacated my brain. I’m not sure what I expected. Maybe for her defenses to be up? Maybe for her to give me the cold shoulder? I sure as hell wasn’t ready for her admission of wrongdoing right out of the gate.

“I appreciate it, Mia. But I get it. I wouldn’t want me for?—”

“No!” She stops me before I say anything else. “It’s not you. It’s what comes along with your life. I didn’t want my child to grow up with that kind of attention. You see what happens with famous kids. It’s scary. But it’s more than that. I was being selfish. I didn’t want to share him with you. You live so far away, and you can afford the best legal representation. I knew you’d be able to take him away from me if you wanted to, at least for half the time. And, well, I was scared.”

Whoa.

She’s got quite a list. Albeit, a reasonable list. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. However, I respect that she’s giving me her truth and I need to do the same. But I also have questions.

After taking a beat to get my emotions in check, I speak. “Can we start from the beginning?”

Her mouth opens to speak, but nothing comes out. She looks confused and my brother turns toward her, rubbing her back.

“What do you mean?” she barely gets out in a whisper.

“I want to know everything, Mia. Everything about Sawyer. Everything you’ve been through. But before we get there, can we start with that night? I’m embarrassed to say I can only remember flashes. I know you said you were a willing participant, but I need to make sure I didn’t cross any lines. I mean, obviously lines were crossed, but I just need to know I wasn’t a complete asshole.”

It’s clear by my brother’s red cheeks that this topic wasn’t on his bingo card for tonight, but it’s been on my mind.

I need to know.

“It’s okay,” Gus encourages her.

“Be honest. It’s important I know exactly how things went down. If it helps, I’ll go first. Here’s a truth I’ve never told anyone. I was a drunk bastard that night because it was one of the biggest nights of my life and I was miserable and alone. Yes, my family and the band were there, but I was alone. I was fucking jealous of my bandmates for having the families I knew I would never have.”

Her eyes well up and a tear slides down her face. She quickly wipes it away. “And I’ve kept you from what you wanted all this time. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Please, Mia. Don’t waste your tears on me. I understand. I just wanted it to be fair. I tell you my secret and you tell me yours. Well,ours.”

Releasing a shaky breath as she swipes at her face again, she begins. “Were you drunk? Yes. Did you force me to do anything I didn’t want to do? No. I was a willing participant. You came on strong, but it had been a while and the McKinnon brother I actually wanted had no idea I existed. So, I thought, what the hell?”

“Babe, we’ve been over this,” my brother says in his defense.

“I know, but at that moment, I didn’t know you had feelings for me.” She pats his knee, and he runs his hands over his short hair. “Anyway, all our clothes stayed on, and it was over before it started. No offense.”

“I’d love to say none taken, but you are vicious, girl.”

“Sorry,” she says through a smile. “You wanted to know.”

“I did.”

“Anyway, within thirty minutes of our encounter...” She holds her fingers up in air quotes when she says,encounter. “You kind of lost it and we all left.”

“Not my proudest moment,” I confess. I don’t remember my tirade, but I’ve been told it wasn’t pretty. I apparently went off about how the other members of the band were ruining things because they were too concerned about their families and weren’t making the band a priority. It was a load of bullshit. I behaved like a child.

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